Fragments of Memory
by fleeting . white . feathers
Summary: "So as I leave this world, I leave this Memory in capable hands, along with my last prayer; the reason I fought, and still keep fighting... I pray for their happiness..." Gen SI
1. Prologue

_The sky bled that day._

_The sun was a deep scarlet that had never been seen before, weeping as its rays caressed a silent battlefield. A strong wind stirred the dust into tiny sandstorms, blurring the forms of ally and enemy alike. Bodies littered the ground, blood pouring so abundantly that one was practically wading in it. But there was no one left to do so._

_Every night I visit that place. Every night I lie there, all but dead, my eyes staring hollowly at the bleeding sky._

_Waiting for the end._

_And so the end has come, albeit a little later than expected. I thank God that I was given this much time, time that was not mine to keep. I was never truly part of this world, no matter what bonds, fates or destinies brought and kept me here. I always knew my time would be brief. The fact that I've been here this long is already a miracle to me._

_I leave this Memory in this world as a record - a completely biased, emotional record. Even as the Bookmen write their accurate stories of black and white (and if you don't do it right I will come after you, you stupid rabbit), I write to show the shades of gray, the humanity in the ink, and how there is no such thing as the real good and bad side in a war._

_And so that someone will remember that behind the ink on paper there were people, good, honest people fighting in this silent, secret war – the helpful Finders, the cheerful, caring scientists, the loyal, loving Exorcists… and yes, even the capricious Noahs._

_So as I leave this world, I leave this Memory in capable hands, along with my last prayer: the reason I fought, and still keep on fighting…_

_I pray for their happiness…_

* * *

><p>"Good morning, Bookman." The Archivist bowed, tan robes brushing the ground. "It is good to have you back.<p>

The Bookman nodded in acknowledgement. His dark cloak made an audible '_swish_' as he put down his bag on the table.

The Archivist peered up at him out of the corner of his eye. Was it just him, or had the shadows under the man's eyes grown?

Wordlessly he took the scrolls in the pack, sorting them into piles as was their routine. The Bookman stared unseeing at his work, silent as a ghost. The Archivist would have described his expression as 'haunted', but that couldn't be, because Bookmen did not feel… right?

His fingers met the cold, unfamiliar texture of… metal? Startled out of his thinking, he inspected the last item to fall out of the bag. It looked like a black, leather-bound journal, with a simple silver border and clasp. The color had faded away with age, but one could still see a single word written on the cover, in an elegant silver script: _Memory._

The Archivist was surprised. It was the Clan's job to publish the Bookman's work into books that would last through the ages. The man had not brought anything like this before. "Is this yours?" he asked hesitantly. The Bookman jerked, then let his bright eyes rest on the book.

"Oh, no." he said smoothly, closing his pack but making no move to retrieve the journal. "A friend of mine died recently. He left it to me in his will."

The Archivist very nearly dropped the book at his words. Hands trembling, he put it down and busied himself with the scrolls, hoping his distress didn't show in his face. Had he heard him right? Had the Archivist just heard the Bookman – the Bookman rumored to be the best of his line – mention the taboo word 'friend'?

Maybe he was talking about a business partner, an acquaintance he kept contact with to get information. Yes, that must be it. Many other Bookmen had done the same. He would not be the first. It must have been a slip of tongue, that's all.

All these thoughts fluttered through his head in a moment. "Is that so?" the Archivist murmured politely. The Bookman gave him a grin, one that had no feeling and was all teeth, as if he knew just what the older man was thinking.

"I'm leaving it here, where others can read it." He said. The Archivist bowed, and motioned towards the book.

"May I?" he asked. The Bookman waved his hand in permission.

The Archivist reached out and opened the book. It flopped open, like something once alive but now long dead. The man fought back a shudder. This wasn't one of those witchcraft books, was it? He skimmed the pages and frowned. It wasn't but it was nearly as bad. The writing was amateur, and the book was more of a journal than anything else, filled with pictures and whatnot.

His frown deepened. What on earth? The events weren't even in order! It was like a jumble of memories all smashed together into a single bound book. And the Bookman wanted this… here? In the Clan Library, the largest, most esteemed and also the most secretive one in the world?

Perusing it once more, he paused. One of the entries mentioned akuma. Ah, so it was the journal of an Exorcist. Such books were rare nowadays, after the Church tried to erase all evidence of that small, secret war 20 years ago. Only few people alive knew about it now.

This book will have to go through serious reading and editing. Hiding his disgust, the Archivist picked up the scrolls, bowing to his superior. "I shall give it to my assistants to take care of," he said, while making a mental note to report to the Clan heads about the Bookman's strange behavior. It almost seemed like he was a whole different person.

He reached out to take the book.

"Ah, wait." He turned to the Bookman, eyebrow raised in a question. "Leave it there."

"Leave it?" the Archivist stared at him in undisguised shock. Leave it here, on the table, in the middle of rows and rows of books in their gigantic library? "But-"

"Good books should be kept in the open, where everybody can see them," Bookman said gravely, his lips twitching, like it was a joke only he knew. But there was a sadness in his eyes too.

"Y-yes…" The Archivist bowed and scurried off, sweating buckets.

The Bookman _never_ smiled. Not anymore. In fact, the last time he saw him smile was in his youth, before he left with his master, who died in the course of their travels…

When he was merely known as Bookman Junior…

* * *

><p>Alone in the library, the man once known as Lavi stared at the book. It lay there almost mockingly, bringing up memories and feelings he had long since pushed away. Tan fingers reached out towards it… then retracted. With a hiss of frustration, he turned and strode out the door.<p>

He took a deep breath in the open air, seeing a clear, cloudless sky but tasting blood and ash and smoke. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a letter. He glanced at the words he already knew by heart and gave it a wry smile.

"Really, beansprout. Did you have to call on your favor like that?"Green eyes looked out into the horizon. The sky was the softest of blues… _Exactly the shade she loved. _"It's what she would have wanted, after all…"

"Right, Belle?"


	2. First Memory

It's one of those peaceful moments that feel like an eternity. Below me the trees rustle with the cold winter wind. I gaze at the round, full moon and feel content.

I know he's coming because I can feel him. You learn how to do that, with this kind of job. Under my feet a hundred people are sleeping peacefully, and he stands out among them like a candle in the dark. Sure enough, there is a white flash out of the corner of my eye and the lightest of 'thump's resound through the night.

"Can't sleep?" I ask teasingly.

"Can't you?" he retorts, and I laugh softly, because it was that kind of night that you don't want to ruin with sound.

He sits next to me, his legs dangling off the roof in a boyish manner, while I sit with my knees drawn to my chest and my arms around them both. "Are you cold?" he asks, because that's what I'm known for and because that's how he is, always caring, and never about himself.

I laugh again and shake my head. "Not tonight," I whisper, my eyes trained to the sky. His eyes fill with understanding.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" he says, and because it's him I know it's not just the moon nor the night he's talking about, but the moment, the rare peace in between the blood and terror and gore, when one can just sit quietly and be grateful, for being here, for being _alive._

I look at him, with that small, rare, sincere smile on his face as he gazes ahead, and once again my heart fills up. Worry, determination, wonder, and-

He notices my gaze and looks at me questioningly. I laugh and shake my head. He smiles wider, and I can see a whole sentence on his face: _"Well somebody's cheerful tonight."_

Suddenly, I wished for time to stop. I wanted the world to halt its turning, for the sun to never rise and for this small, fragile peace to never shatter.

_I fight for their happiness…_

He doesn't know. He doesn't know it yet, because I haven't told him, and I don't know if I ever could. But if there is anything I have learned in my time here it's that nothing is certain. Today I could be talking with him, tomorrow he could be gone forever. My being here just makes things worse, adding more variables into the formula, flipping the word 'destiny' on its head.

So I swore to tell him. I would tell him how lost I felt when I arrived here. How he and the others helped me cope with my loneliness and get back on my feet. How each day I began to lose the hope of ever getting home, and instead started to appreciate each moment I had with them.

I will tell him, and let fate be fate, because I can't keep myself from becoming part of this story any longer.

"Allen-"


	3. Second Memory

It's hard to forget a girl whom you met cursing at a door.

"-you, stupid door! Open up!" she yelled, yanking on the knob with all her might. Allen, Lavi, and Chaoji stared with slack jaws, while Kanda stood back with narrowed eyes.

The girl hadn't noticed them yet. Her thick, wavy black hair fell past her shoulders, a stark contrast against the white background of the Ark. It was tied back into a low pony tail, while a blue headband kept her bangs back. All she had on was a white nightgown which flowed past her knees. She didn't even have shoes.

Who could she be? The Noah were all gone. They were supposed to be the only ones here!

No one else seemed willing to talk. Allen swallowed, and stepped forward. "Um… excuse me-"

She gasped sharply, and whirled around. He watched as her skin turned from pale to pink to pale again, until she looked like she was trying to blend in to the whiteness of the wall.

"Oh my God." he heard her whisper. Her hand groped for the knob again. "Oh God no, no, please no. Open up now door. You know you're awesome please open up now."

"Who are you?" Kanda growled, low and threatening. Her eyes snapped to him.

"N-nobody! Nobody important." she squeaked. "Please tell me this is a dream…" she mumbled to herself.

"Funny thing is, that's exactly what you're supposed to be. Nobody. Nobody else but us should be here. So _who are you_?" Although Lavi was smiling as gaily as usual, his lone green eye held a deadly spark that said otherwise.

"And why were you yelling at the door?" Allen asked. Everyone stared at him. He shrugged. "What? It could be important."

"You'd yell at a door too if you took you from your home, transported you to another dimension, and _then_ shut itself in your face." she said flatly, though her hands still trembled on the knob.

They all stared at her. She reddened, and jiggled the knob harder.

_If she's not careful, that door's going to open and-_

Click.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Allen didn't even have time to finish that thought. One moment the girl was there, and the next a scream was ringing through his ears. His body moved automatically, diving after her into empty space.

He felt his hand grab an ankle, and his other a boot, and then he fell – stopped – fell – stopped-

"AAAAAH! AAAAH! AAAHHH!" The girl wouldn't stop screaming. Allen would have sworn his ears had fallen off from all the noise if he wasn't so busy screaming too.

"Shut up!" Kanda yelled.

"I'll shut up when you stop dangling me over a fathomless abyss!" she shrieked.

Allen felt a small spark of admiration come to life in his chest. Not many people could yell like that in the face of imminent death – let alone yell like that at _Kanda_ in the face of imminent death – and survive.

"Fine." Kanda growled, and shook his foot, attempting to dislodge them both.

Never mind.

"AAAAAH! OKAY OKAY SHUTTING UP!"

"DAMN IT KANDA DO YOU WANT US TO DIE?" Allen screamed. He hoped it was just his imagination that his voice cracked at the word 'die'.

"Yes." Kanda was totally not helping.

"Guys… choking…" Lavi mumbled through his shirt.

"P-p-p-please don't drop me," the girl begged.

"Don't… worry… I won't… let you fall!" Chaoji grunted from the effort of holding them all.

Allen looked down to comfort the girl – and quickly looked up again, blushing hotly. He tightened his grip on her ankle, hoping she didn't notice.

"A-and don't look up my skirt!" Oh dear, she noticed.

"I-I'm sorry-AAAH!" This time it was the both of them screaming as their human rope wobbled dangerously.

Looking up, he could see Lavi waving his free arm – how the boy ended up hanging upside down with his shirt over his face, Allen would never know – and giving muffled yells that sounded suspiciously like "Allen… girl… skirt… not fair!"

Allen sweatdropped. Only Lavi could think about stuff like that while hanging over an empty void.

His eyes met Chaoji's. His mind flashed to what the older man had said in front of Road's door, and somehow he knew Chaoji was thinking of it too.

"_You're a monster just like them!"_

He wouldn't-?

A bright flash of green blinded his eyes, and suddenly he was flying through the air, only in the opposite direction of what he expected – up.

Then down.

"Agh!" "Oof!" "Gah!" "Ow!"

"Ah! Are you alright? I'm sorry-" Chaoji scrambled over and tried to help the groaning Exorcists plus one girl. (Keyword: tried.)

Kanda got up first, looking as pissed as… well, a pissed Kanda. Which is saying something. "_Baka moyashi_, next time you grab my foot like that I'll slice your hand off."

Irritation gave Allen enough energy to get up. At least his legs didn't tremble. "If I didn't do that, we'd have plummeted to our deaths, stupid," he growled back. "Be glad I didn't grab your hair."

"Touch my hair and you die, _baka moyashi_."

"I keep telling you, my name is _Allen_!"

"Ow!" Their conversation halted in its tracks as they turned at the sound. Lavi and Chaoji were busy helping the girl up, whose face was scrunched up in pain.

"No- it's fine- just my back," she tried to assure them, her expression showing her embarrassment. Chaoji gently pulled the girl up, while Lavi let her lean her weight on his arm.

"Sorry, I didn't realize-" Allen tried to apologize, approaching the group to help. Blushing hotly, she pushed away from Lavi.

"I can walk!" she cried in frustration, only to wince as her back complained.

"So can old women, but that doesn't mean they don't need help to do so, right?" The redhead said cheerfully.

"I'm not an old woman!"

"Don't worry, you can lie down once we get back to the others," Allen told her.

"But isn't Mr. Crowely already lying down on the sofa?" Chaoji pointed out.

"That's right, Lord Crowley hasn't woken up yet…" Allen realized.

"Don't worry, General Cross and Lenalee are watching over him." Lavi said.

"General Cross… and Lenalee?" the girl asked.

"Yeah. Master and… Lenalee…" Slowly it dawned on them. "Master… alone with Lenalee…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

And that's how Allen met Annabelle de la Cruz.


	4. Third Memory

"You're going _shopping_?" Lavi said, eye bulging.

"Why so surprised?" Lenalee asked him, hands on her hips. "It's not like Belle can keep borrowing my clothes."

"But why is Allen coming?" the redhead whined, pointing at the sheepish boy. "I wanna go too!"

"Because," Belle drawled, flicking her bangs out of her face, "We need Allen to open the Gate for us. Plus, we could use someone to help carry our things, and with Allen, we get two." She pointed at Link, who twitched. Lavi snorted. At least Lenalee had the decency to cover her mouth to hide a smile.

"You don't sound very happy," Allen noted quietly, sidling up to Belle. She glanced at him, a little surprised.

"Hmm? Oh. Well I don't like shopping. But seeing as it's a necessity…" she shrugged. It had taken her a while to resign herself to the fact that she must go and perform that sordid task known as 'shopping'. It _was_ going to be a relief to get out of the short skirts Lenalee seemed so fond of, at least.

Allen chuckled, making her smile ruefully in reply.

"Why can't I do it?" Lavi continued to beg. "I'll be good!"

"You just want to escape the work Bookman assigned you!" Lenalee said, amused.

"And go lady hunting," Belle added. "I bet he's the kind that peeks into the ladies' changing rooms for fun."

Lavi mimed getting stabbed in the heart. "Oh! The paaiinnn…" he looked pitifully up at them, hand still on his heart. "It hurts you know. I'm just a poor, innocent, overworked boy, in need of a little break…"

Belle burst out laughing.

* * *

><p>"Stri-GAKK!" Lavi yelped as Belle grabbed him by the scarf, preventing him from accosting yet <em>another <em>lady passing by.

"That's his sixth," Allen commented. Lenalee giggled. Link followed behind them disgruntedly, a couple of bags and boxes in his arms.

"Oh, here Belle, try this shop," Lenalee pointed. To Allen, it didn't really look different from any of the other shops they'd been to. But Belle simply sighed and walked in. His brow furrowed. She looked tired. No wonder, they'd been to five different shops already. He never realized shopping was this hard. Belle must have tried on at least a dozen clothes, but in the end she only came out with about four.

He followed her inside and was immediately surrounded by fluttering ribbons, lace and frills.

"Welcome!" the shopkeeper smiled brightly. He smiled back and nodded, before searching for Belle. It was easy enough to find her, her hair a dark spot in the ocean of pastel colors. The rest of their group had already dispersed – Link, to stand by the door, Lenalee, to speak to the saleslady, and Lavi, to flirt with some girls in a nearby aisle.

Allen walked towards Belle. She was in the blue section again. He smiled, and spoke. "You must like blue a lot."

She jumped with a gasp, whirling around to face him. "Allen!" she yelped. "Don't scare me like that!"

He couldn't help but chuckle at her reaction. "Sorry," he apologized, flashing her his sweet smile. She glared at him, then smiled shyly back.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" she asked.

He shrugged. "You always seem to go for the blue clothes first." He said, tapping the dress in her hands for emphasis. She looked at the sky blue cloth and winced.

"That obvious, huh?" She smiled, already knowing it was very obvious indeed. "Yeah, I like blue. This shade in particular." She fingered the hem of the dress, before holding it in front of her and stepping back. "What do you think?" She tilted her head, her dark eyes focused on him.

"Well…" Allen mirrored her movement, looking the dress over with a critical eye. It was a simple A-line dress with a layer of frills on the hem. The sleeves were long, while the bodice was loose. In Allen's eyes, it looked just like an overly decorated nightgown. Belle was looking at him expectantly though. Oh dear.

"…I'm not really one to judge these things," he finally said, laughing sheepishly. Belle blinked at him, before she absorbed what he just said and glared at him.

"Really, Allen!" she huffed, pouting. He only laughed, holding his hands up in surrender.

"Have you chosen yet?" Both of them turned to find Lenalee, standing at the other end of the aisle with a smile on her face. Mutely Belle handed her the dress. Lenalee checked the tag and nodded. "Not bad. Go try it on. This will have to be the last though," she added. "Our budget's running low."

"Use Allen," Belle suggested, grinning.

"Eeeehh?" The teen blushed, staring at her in shock. Lavi, having heard, walked up to them laughing, and slung his arm around Belle's shoulders. She slumped under his weight, wincing.

"Haha… hahaha… that's funny… nice joke…" he chortled.

"But I want to see him play poker!" Belle protested, trying to shove the redhead off at the same time. "I'm the only one here who hasn't seen Black!Allen yet! It's not fair!"

"Black Allen?" Lenalee frowned. Belle's eyes widened.

"Uhhh, y-yeah! I, uh, heard some Finders talking about it!" she said hastily.

"Sounds valid," Lavi said darkly, staring pointedly at Allen. He sweatdropped.

"Don't worry Allen, we won't have to. These clothes plus the others I lent her should be enough." Lenalee giggled.

In the end, though, Belle didn't buy the dress. Link looked a little relieved. Those bags were probably getting heavy. The group gathered outside, ready to go home. Belle shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. Lavi noticed it first.

"Hey, Belle, are you cold?" he asked. She jumped a little in surprise. Everyone turned to look at her. Embarrassed, she looked away.

"Y-yeah, a little." She admitted.

Allen blinked. "But it's summer…"

Belle stared at him. "This is summer? _This? _Is _summer_? No, don't answer that." She held out a hand, interrupting Allen before he could reply. She sighed, raised her glasses and pressed a hand to her face, her cheeks pink.

"It's not _that_ cold." Lavi teased, poking her on the head. "Are you a lizard or what?"

She glared at him. "Look, I come from a tropical country, okay? And I get cold easil-EE!" she jumped, feeling something drape over her shoulders. Looking over her shoulder, she realized it was Allen, putting his jacket around her. "A-Allen?" she spluttered, feeling her face heat up.

"You can borrow it for now." He smiled at her. "We can get you your own later."

"…" she plucked at the sleeves, before sighing and drawing her arms through them. "Thanks." She hesitated, then smiled back.

"Aww Beansprout, how sweet," Lavi cooed, placing a heavy hand on Allen's head and mussing up his hair. Allen flushed.

"My name is ALLEN! And I was just being considerate!" he yelled at Lavi.

"At least Allen was nice enough to lend me his jacket, unlike _somebody _here-" Belle crossed her arms and glared pointedly at Lavi. He wasn't wearing his Exorcist uniform at the moment, unlike Lenalee and Allen, but he _was _wearing a warm-looking jacket.

Lenalee giggled. "Come on, guys, you're making a scene. Besides, if we're getting Belle a coat we'll have to hurry, it's nearly time to go back."

"A coat?" Belle asked.

"Well, since you yourself said you get cold easily, I think a warm coat would do you better than just a jacket." Lenalee smiled at her.

"Hey, Lenalee, you haven't forgotten Reever's request, have you?" Lavi said. She blinked, her long lashes fluttering, before-

"AAAAHH! I completely forgot!" she cried out, her eyes wide and her hand over her mouth. "The Science Department needs a few things from a shop nearby, and we already passed it by an hour ago!"

"Why don't we split up, then?" Belle suggested. "You and I can go find that coat while the boys can head over to the shop and buy the Science Department's things."

"That sounds like a great idea." Allen agreed. He glanced at Link, then winced at the man's expression. While Link always had a poker face on, he'd been around the man long enough to know that the twitch in his eyebrow meant he wasn't pleased.

"No no no no no. Lenalee, why don't you and I go over to the shop and leave these cute little lovebirds alo-GKKK!" Lavi was already dragging Lenalee away before Belle managed to snag his scarf and stop him mid-stride.

"You know what, why don't you stay with me so that I can keep an eye on you and Lenalee can buy the Science Department's groceries in peace. That way, both groups will have at least one person who can make sure they won't get lost." She grinned, a wicked gleam in her eye. Lavi took one look at her expression and gulped.

It took Allen a second to realize what she had said. "Hey!"

* * *

><p>In the end, Allen went with Lenalee and Link, while Lavi and Belle stayed behind to find her a coat.<p>

"_Here," Lenalee said, bringing out a black diamond the size of her palm. She pressed a button on its center, activating the golem. It blinked, then opened its wings and flapped over to Lavi and Belle. "Good thing I brought this."_

"_Thanks… but wait, where's yours?" Belle asked._

_As if on cue, a small ball of golden fuzz popped out of Allen's shirt and bared its pointy white teeth. She leapt back, startled, then stared as everyone giggled at her. "You mean Tim was in there the whole time?" she yelped._

"_I usually keep him hidden in my shirt so he won't get lost." Allen explained, laughing._

"…llen? Allen!" Allen jerked, startled out of his reverie. He almost didn't recognize Lenalee peering up at him. He still wasn't used to her short, cropped hair.

"S-sorry, Lenalee, what was that?" he apologized, shaking his head.

"What on earth were you thinking about? Your gaze was so far away." She smiled at him.

"I was just wondering how Lavi and Belle were doing." He smiled back. "I hope she hasn't killed him yet." He joked.

"Oh, I'm sure she just mutilated him a little." Lenalee giggled, then burst into little coughs. "Ugh. This place is too musty. Let's finish up quickly so we can get out of here." She winced, waving a hand at the small, enclosed shop they were currently in. One would have expected the place to be much brighter, seeing as it had one large window filled with displayed scientific items in front, but the inside left much to desire. It didn't help that the air stank of chemicals and mold.

"Right." Allen nodded his agreement, moving off to the left where he could see jars filled with powder. Hopefully they would have what they needed.

_Carbon… Carbon… _he paused, thinking. It felt like he was forgetting something. He raised his hand and tugged on his collar. _It feels strange not wearing my Exorcist jacket in public… have I really gotten that used to wearing a target on my chest?_

_My Exorcist jacket…_

His eyes widened.

"_Lenalee_!" he yelled, darting to the door.

"Allen?" She whirled around, her eyes wide in surprise. He opened his mouth to speak, before-

_**BOOOM!**_

In the blink of an eye, he was out of the door, Crown Clown activated and ready. Already he could hear the screams of horror. The street was filled with people, some staring in shock while others fled in terror.

"Mister Walker!" He heard Link call his name at the same time his left eye activated. There were three akuma. Two were level one, while the other was a level two. Not as bad as it could have been. But they weren't what he was worrying about.

"Allen!" The bell above the shop door tinkled madly as the door slammed open. He turned to find Lenalee, her eyes wide and face pale, with Tim flapping behind her. "It's Belle! The akuma mistook her for an Exorcist, and now Lavi can't find her anywhere!"

He turned and leapt for the rooftops.


	5. Fourth Memory Part 1

Surprisingly, Lavi had a good eye for women's fashion. It didn't take us ten minutes to find the right coat – or cloak, more like. It was lined with fur on the inside and a deep maroon on the outside, with a cute pink bow in front to seal the deal. It even had a hood! Unfortunately, Lenalee had our purse, so we had to go outside and find a safe place to contact her.

We exited the shop, chatting happily with my hand on Lavi's arm. Not that it was by choice. The hand, I mean. It felt really uncomfortable for me, especially since I was from a time period where holding hands with a guy was like wearing a neon sign on your forehead that screamed 'DATING'. But this was how it was in, what, 17th century Europe (seeing as I had no idea _where _HQ really was)? So I let it go.

"So where do you plan on calling Lenalee?" I asked, adjusting Allen's jacket collar. This thing was stiffer than it looked. How could he stand it?

"I saw an alleyway a few corners back. We can try there." Lavi replied, a smile on his face as he lead the way. "Are you alright? You've been fidgeting all day."

Of course he would notice, he was trained to see stuff like that. "Don't worry about it." I assured him. "It's just the shoes, and… well, let's just say I'm not used to dressing like this." I waved a hand at my weird combination of clothes: a deep green dress, several petticoats underneath, white stockings, and black doll shoes. On top of all that was Allen's jacket, clashing horribly with my skirt.

Lavi sniggered. I glared at him. He raised a hand in defense. "What's so bad about that? Other than Allen's jacket of course. That's the kind of clothes girls like you wear nowadays."

I weighed my answer. From what I knew, Elizabethan England – _was _this Elizabethan England? My knowledge of world history is worse than the little I remember about the D. Gray-man world – was the time when everyone had to be Christian or die. In this day and age, a woman showing even just a little ankle would be a scandal.

Wait, if that was true, then why did Lenalee wear such short skirts? Especially with an overprotective brother like hers?

I shook my head, trying to get back on track. _But since Miranda wore pants…_ "I used to wear pants back home." I finally said aloud. "None of this… stocking nonsense."

"Well why didn't you say so?" Lavi looked down at me, his surprise evident on his face. "All this time we've been looking at dresses. No wonder you looked so uncomfortable."

Was it really _that _obvious? And here I thought I was good at hiding my emotions!

I looked at my feet, kicking a pebble. "I didn't want to bother anybody…" I mumbled, embarrassed. "I'm not _that _against dresses. They're okay. And I didn't see any pants for women, so- ah!" Something slammed into my side – hard. I gasped, barely avoiding tripping over my feet and into the pavement.

"Whoa there!" Lavi pulled me up, stopping my fall. "You alright?"

I sighed in relief. "I'm fine, thanks." Maybe _this _was why ladies put their hands on men's arms in this day and age. Damn, why did this practice stop? I'd have been able to wear heels more often back home-

Back… home…

"I-I'm so sorry!" A little voice squeaked at my elbow. We turned to find the culprit: a little blonde girl with big blue eyes that looked ready to spill over with tears. "I didn' mean to, missus, I really didn'-"

"It's alright." I gave her my best reassuring smile. Her eyes were filled with fear. Who knows what other people would have done if she had bumped into them? "Look, I'm not hurt, see? No need to apologize." I patted her head. She hesitated, before giving me a wobbly smile.

"Thank you… _Miss Exorcist_."

…What?

The next moment didn't happen in a blur, like books say they do. Instead, it was like someone had replaced my eyes with a camera and activated its burst mode.

_FLASH!_ A little girl, blue eyes wide and sparkling, smiling like an angel.

_FLASH!_ A… black gun barrel? Pointed _right at my face_?

_FLASH!_ I'm looking at the girl from the side. The gun is _coming out of her face. _My shoulder hurts. I'm on the ground. I think someone pulled me down.

_FLASH!_ I see Lavi. He's lying beside me, his face an open mask of horror. I think he's screaming my name. There's a cloud of dust coming from the roof of the building behind him, like an explosion. People are screaming. Something's blocking out the sun. I hear high pitched giggling.

Then I'm stumbling over my feet with my hand in Lavi's and my shoulder aching as we ran, ran through the crowd of screaming people, ran through the streets filled with chaos, ran, ran, _running _away from the bulbous white monster screaming behind us.

It was only then did I realize that I had just seen my first akuma.

It was like someone turned off the mute button. Suddenly my ears were filled with screams and explosions. My feet ached; my steps were uneven. I look down and see I'd lost a shoe.

"_Dammit! _Why didn't I realize it?!" Lavi yelled, dragging us around to another corner. I press my hand to my chest, as if that would help oxygen come into my lungs faster. My hand brushed cold steel – and I realized what Lavi meant.

It was too late for regrets. What was important was that I was now a walking target, and both of us were unarmed. The ironic thing is, Lavi's Innocence was due to be returned after shopping today.

"Lavi…" I gasped. As if I would know what to say. What could we do? Hide? Where? Every person we would come across could be an akuma. And it would only take one tiny graze to kill us both.

He must've seen the fear in my face. He knelt down to my level and looked me straight in the eye, both hands holding my arms like I was a child. He opened his mouth to speak, before his lone eye widened. Reflected there I saw a flash of something white and round – before an explosion reduced my world to noise, dust, and pain.

_Where… am I? Ithurtsithurts-WAS I SHOT?_

My eyes snapped open. Hands, feet, legs- starless. No black stars, no bullet holes, just gashes from debris and my shoulder aching more than ever-

"IIIIII FOOOOOUUUUNNNDDDD YOOOOUUUU!" The dust cloud to my right blew apart as the akuma barreled through. Its face was a grotesque mask of despair, even as its mouth split in an impossibly wide, manic grin. "MIIIISSSS EEEEXOOORRRCIIIIIIISSSSTTTT!"

"NOOOOO!" I screamed. My legs began to move as if they had a mind of their own, and I was _running, _running faster than I ever had in my life because I _don't want to die, I don't want to die, please, please, I don't want to die-_

Another bullet exploded over my head. I screamed, ducking down instinctively as bricks and stones smash into the ground around me. I could hear other screams, as the people around me panic at the sight of the monster beyond what nightmares produced. I stumbled, but didn't stop, because every step is a step towards survival so I run, _run!_

"HELLOOO MISS EEEEXOORCIIIIIIST!" I looked up and right in front of me another akuma appeared, black tears streaming from its eyes and its mouth open wide with glee. Its canons _clink_, all of them turning to point _right at me._

I _leaped! _before the bullets landed and the explosion blew me off my feet. My throat hurt. I think I was screaming, but I'm not sure. My ankle was nothing but _pain _– did I hurt it? Twist it? Break it? _Was I shot?! _I opened my eyes, only to see my surroundings are blurry. But I could still feel my glasses on my face! Panicking, I pressed my hand to my eyes – _am I dead? Am I dying? – _only to find that they're wet with tears. _It hurts!_

I hurt all over, but it hurt too much to be dead. My hands were as tan as ever. No stars. No poison.

Trying not to cry, I pushed myself to my feet – and promptly fell back down, my leg collapsing under my weight. Pain shot through my body. "AAAH!" I wanted to look down, but didn't want to see what had become of my leg. Sniffling, I tried to drag myself forward.

"YOU CAN'T RUN NOOW MIIISSS EEEXXOOORRCCIIIISSSSTTT!" The akuma appeared out of the haze, looking absolutely gleeful at the sight of my prone, helpless body. This time I discovered that another one had joined the two before, making a grand total of three akuma, all ready to kill me.

I wanted to scream, but my throat wouldn't work. I tugged uselessly at rubble, unable to move.

"Say goodbye, Miss Ex~or~cist~" the new akuma giggled, readying its claws.

I was going to die.

_I was going to die._

I curled up, my hands around my head and my eyes squeezed shut. _It hurts. _I couldn't stop sobbing. _I don't want to die!_

_PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!_

Something wrapped around me like a vice. Pain shot through my body. I screamed – then everything turned black.


	6. Fourth Memory Part 2

_Am I… dead?_

Cliché thoughts for a person who just drifted out of unconsciousness, but I had legitimate reasons to be thinking them.

_The akuma! _My breath hitched. I could still feel my terror, lying helpless in front of deadly monsters that could kill me at a touch. My heart began to pound furiously. Were they still here? Was I still there? Or maybe… I was dead?

I kept my eyes closed, not sure if I wanted to see how heaven looked like yet. Or maybe I ended up in hell? It hurt too much to be heaven. Something was wrapped around my body, binding me tightly. It wasn't like it was crushing my ribs or anything, but my sore muscles _were _protesting. I tried to listen. I think I could still hear the explosions, and screaming, but it sounded so far away… like an echo.

Maybe I _was _dead, and I _was _in hell, or at least partway. But…

I pressed a hand against the… cloth? It felt like cloth… holding me. My fingers curled around it. It didn't feel like hell. In fact, I felt… safe. Like there was nothing that could touch me here. Like no akuma could exist… not here.

I opened my eyes. All I could see was white. It glowed, faintly, enough for me to make out my hand in front of me, and more of the material binding my waist.

I was… safe. Right? I wouldn't be harmed here anymore… right?

Slowly, I began to relax. That's when I felt a small tugging sensation – like I was being bounced up and down on a gentle bungee rope. Something set me down. And then the cloth began to open up, like the petals on a flower bud.

I looked up to find a silver mask looking down on me. It looked like it was _laughing_ at me. It didn't make me feel scared, or weirded out. It didn't feel human… or sentient, either. All I knew was that it was meant to protect things – like it had protected me.

Then the mask moved aside, and I saw Allen.

"Belle? Belle, are you alright?" he asked, eyes darting all over my face as if to check that I hadn't shattered into ittle bittle pieces yet. (Which, now that I think about it, had actually been a possibility.)

"A-Allen…" I tried to breathe in, but all that came out was a tiny hiccup. I could feel his arm behind my back, cradling me. Relief blossomed from my chest until I felt I would burst. My sight began to blur. I realized I was crying. "Allen, I…"

"Allen!" With the loud _boom_ of displaced air, Lenalee appeared behind him, her face and hair a complete mess in comparison to when I last saw her. My heart jumped at the noise (_Another akum- Lenalee!). _She glanced at me, eyes filled with worry, before turning back to her comrade. "Two new akuma have arrived, we're not sure if there are more. Lavi and Link are busy trying to herd away the civilians."

Allen gave her a sharp nod. "Got it." He turned to me. "Belle, Lenalee will take you to Lavi. Link's calling for permission to open an emergency Gate-" here his expression twitched, showing his frustration for a brief second, "-so you and Lavi can escape."

His words sank in only when the cloth – no, Crown Clown – began to move again. "No!" I shrieked, grabbing it in my hands. Their eyes widened. It came out louder than intended, but I didn't let go, burying my face in the white fur-like material on his shoulders. "P-please… no… I… I don't…" I clamped my mouth shut, trying to keep myself from falling back into that abyss of panic. My breathing came in pants. My hands tightened on Crown Clown. I couldn't- _couldn't _leave, I, I didn't want to, to go back to-

_I didn't want to go back to where the monsters were!_

"Belle-" Allen sounded like he was going to argue, until-

_BOOM!_

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed, my hands tightening their grip on him like he was a lifeline. The explosion sounded like it had happened only a few meters away, but in my state it might as well have happened right next to my ear. Allen gave a little grunt of frustration, before gathering me once more into his arms and leaping away. A mere half-second later, I heard the _BOOM! _that signaled the impact of a bullet on stone.

If he'd been a second later, we'd have been dead.

We landed hard, but Allen stayed on his feet, his grip warm and tight. I heard a different boom – was it Lenalee? – accompanied by an answering shriek of pain from an akuma. I raised my head, trying to see what was going on, but something cool pressed against it, stopping it from going far. I froze. Was it- was this- an akuma-

"Don't look." Allen said softly, pressing my face against his shoulder with his – I realized belatedly – metal left hand. With a shudder, I complied, unwilling to trigger another mental breakdown. He gave me one last reassuring pat on the head – it made me want to laugh, for some reason. That was all, before Crown Clown enveloped me up to my shoulders and we were leaping through the air again.

I could hear the screams of people, in agony or terror. Endless explosions rocked the air, echoed by the maniacal cackling that seemed to be a standard for all akuma. I could feel gravity and air resistance tugging me this way and that as Allen leapt and dodged around incoming attacks. Fear sent little pricks into my heart every time I heard something whizz nearby, along with the explosion that went with it. But I kept my head bowed, my mouth clamped shut. Silent. Without a sound.

Allen didn't need me to be a bigger burden than I already was.

It felt like we'd been fighting forever. Suddenly, Crown Clown tightened itself around me, its cloth flying like lightning over my head. I felt Allen curl around me protectively, before I heard a loud _crack_ and we were flying through the air.

I felt the impact of our landing, jarring through my very bones. There was the soft sound of something snapping. I heard Allen cry out in pain.

"Allen-!" I tried to raise my head, tried to see what happened, what was wrong, but that cool metal hand pressed down on my head again.

"Don't… look…" he panted, his chest heaving under my hands.

My protests died on my lips. With a sob, I obeyed, burying my face in his chest as he rose to his feet and leapt to fight again.

_Please, let this hell end!_

* * *

><p>"…Belle?" I twitched, startled. Slowly, I realized, it wasn't just me who was quiet anymore. There were no more screams. No more noise. Just the sound of heavy breathing, and a heart beating fast under my hand, and the faint echoes of sobbing carried by a lonely wind.<p>

"Belle?" Crown Clown shifted, moving down to support my legs and freeing my body from the waist up. That's when I realized we weren't moving anymore either. I raised my head stiffly. Allen looked down at me, his eyes filled with concern. "Are you alright?"

There was a gash above his right eye, bleeding sluggishly down his face. Blood leaked out of the corner of his lips. His breathing was ragged, his skin marred with dirt and blood. I swallowed hard, and nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

His frown eased. The relief on his face was almost palpable. "That's good." He smiled, then winced, as an unknown part of his body protested. "Can you stand?" he asked again.

I opened my mouth to speak, but all that came out was a croak. I coughed, and tried again. "N-no, I… my leg…" I whispered hoarsely. With the adrenaline bleeding away, I could feel the pain again, stabbing through me in time with my heartbeat.

Crown Clown shifted once more. I felt Allen raise my leg, his head turning to inspect it. I bit back a whimper, pain jolting through me at the movement. Cool metal slipped under my hips to support me, easing the throbbing a little. "It looks broken." he said finally. "It's a clean break though, as far as I can tell. We'll have to set it, but you'll be fine." He smiled at me. I hesitated, then smiled back, while trying not to squirm away at the same time. It was probably the most _horrible _time ever to be thinking about stuff like it, but his face was just the _littlest_ bit too close for comfort. It almost made me blush.

I quickly looked away, opting to press my forehead against his chest instead. Gently, he set me down on the ground, then deactivated his Innocence.

_BOOM!_

I felt my heart leap into my throat. "AKUM-" I gasped, shooting up. Pain shot through me. "AGH!"

"Belle!" I heard the clink of metal on stone. I turned, only to be blinded by a flash of green light.

"Wha-" I pressed a hand to my eye for what felt like the fifth time that day.

"Are you guys alright? The akuma didn't hurt you, did they?"

"Belle! Allen!" Finally, I recognized the voices.

"…Lenalee? Lavi?" I blinked, my sight clearing. Lenalee kneeled before me, her worried eyes taking in every blemish and bloodstain on my face. Behind her was Lavi, with Link running to catch up.

"Man, Beansprout, you must be getting sloppy. Used to be you'd come out of fights like this without a scratch on you." Lavi grinned, giving Allen's head a pat. Allen glared at him.

"It's _Allen._ And you have no right preaching to me about getting sloppy when all you did was stand around like a bum." he shot back. Lavi only laughed, but something in his expression told me he was really relieved as well.

"Mister Walker." Link approached, his face set in his usual frown.

"Inspector Link." Allen greeted, smiling wanly. The other man sniffed.

"Hopefully this incident will be a lesson to you. Such a careless act of kindness may end up with worse repercussions in the future."

Allen jerked back like he'd been slapped. I froze, pain shooting through me again at the action. Lenalee glared at Link reproachfully.

"If that's the case, you should be blaming all of us, instead of just Allen." Lavi spoke up. It was startling to see his usual, carefree smile, only with his eye cold and devoid of emotion. "After all, none of us realized the full implications of what he had done until after the fact. Right, Link?"

Silence.

I fought back a shiver. My eyes jumped from Lavi, to Link, to Allen, to Lenalee, and back to Allen. He looked white as a sheet.

If I hadn't accepted Allen's jacket… would this have happened?

Lenalee was the first to break the silence. "Now, now, guys…" she started. A sharp crackle of static pierced the air, making everyone wince. The tense atmosphere broke.

"Inspector? Inspector?" I stared at Link, albeit a bit warily. It seemed the sound was coming from the… pin? on his collar. He kept his eyes on Lavi for another moment, before turning away and pressing a hand against his throat.

"This is Inspector Link." he replied curtly. "The akuma threat has been eliminated. However, Miss Cruz has been injured, and cannot walk. The request for the emergency Gate still stands."

"It's dela Cruz…" I murmured half-heartedly. Lenalee glanced at me, a small smile tugging on her lips.

"Lavi…" she got up and walked toward the redhead, leaving me with Allen, who shifted position so that he was sitting beside me.

The silence between us was awkward. My leg still wouldn't stop throbbing. I bit back a sigh, then peeked at his expression out of the corner of my eye. My heart skipped a beat, guilt stabbing me right in the ribs.

He looked so… _sad._

"Allen…" I'd spoken before I'd even thought about what to say. His head snapped in my direction. His expression softened.

"I'm sorry. I think I've gotten too used to wearing that uniform… now you got hurt because of me." He smiled apologetically.

My heart seized in my throat. "N-no!" He blinked, startled at the intensity of my statement. I glared at him as much as I was able, feeling the guilt like a heavy weight on my chest. "It wasn't your fault, Allen! Like Lavi said, nobody realized it, not even you. And you meant well! If there's anyone to blame, it should be me, because- because I-" I stumbled, trying to put my emotions into words. Because I'd been so useless? Because I'd put everyone in danger?

Something plopped on my head. I blinked, and stared. Allen smiled at me, patting my head gently. His smile wasn't sad, but not happy either. But he looked… touched. "Thank you." He said softly.

I'd have said, "For what?" but decided the air was too oppressive to prolong this kind of conversation any longer. I frowned and swatted at his hand. "Don't touch the hair." I growled, even though my heart wasn't really in it. Not like it mattered; there was no way he could make the thing look messier than it already was.

He blinked, startled, before chuckling softly and withdrawing his hand. This time it was my turn to stare. That must have been the worst attempt at post-traumatizing-event humor in history, but-

...

Well, at least he tried.

I heard a final buzz of static. Link turned back to us, his expression carefully neutral. "The Gate has been approved." he stated calmly.

"Right." Allen moved to get up.

"Wait, Allen," Lenalee ran up, Lavi trailing behind her. "Before you open the Gate, we need your help for something."

"What?" he asked, turning to her, his expression confused. Seemingly ignoring him, Lenalee knelt down beside me again. I stared at her, equally bewildered.

"Lavi and I discussed it a little, and we think we should set your leg before we try to move you any further, Belle," she said, looking at me in the eyes. "If we move you as you are now, it might aggravate the flesh around the bone, and make the whole thing worse."

Her words felt like stones dropping one by one into my stomach. I felt the blood drain from my face. I'd never broken a bone before, and the pain was already intense, but imagining _setting _the thing- "Sh-shouldn't a doctor be the one doing this?" I squeaked, my hands trembling at the thought.

"Don't worry." Lavi spoke up, looking way too cheerful for a guy about to inflict bodily harm on me. "I've read about it in theory. It'll be alright."

"_That's not comforting at all!" _I shrieked.

"Juuuust kidding!" he cackled. I glared at him. He grinned back. "I've done this before, so don't sweat it. Besides, the longer you put it off, the more it'll hurt. It'll be quick, like a band aid!"

...I didn't know if I should be relieved or disturbed about the fact that he'd done this before.

I looked at his face, then Allen's, then Lenalee's. Each wore their own versions of a comforting expression. Lavi was grinning like the rat he is. Allen's face was understanding, like he was trying to say, "I'm sorry, but what can you do?" with a smile. Lenalee though… Lenalee gave me the kind of comforting, motherly smile that said, "It will be alright."

I focused on her instead. "Promise?" I whispered hoarsely.

"Promise." she replied, her voice sincere.

I nodded. "Okay." I squeezed my eyes shut. "Let's get it over with then."

Lavi didn't hesitate. "Alright Lenalee, you hold her injured leg down… yeah, there, on her hip. Pin it down hard. Link, you hold her other leg…" There was a pause, before I felt gloved hands grip my ankle. "Right. Put your other hand on her knee, in case she jerks. Allen, you hold her."

I waited for him to add to that, but Lavi didn't continue. There was a slight scuffling sound to my left, then a tight, "Excuse me," before I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and pull me close. My eyes snapped open with a gasp, making me inhale the scent of dirt, blood, and _boy._

"W-wait!" I spluttered, grasping Allen's shirt to- to what, push him away?

"On the count of three," I couldn't tell if Lavi was amused at my predicament (meaning he did that on purpose) or too intent on what he was doing to care. I couldn't even see anything past Allen's buttons. I tried to pull away, but he held me tight.

"It'll be alright," Allen spoke, his voice coming from just above my ear. Link and Lenalee tightened their hold on me. My attention snapped back to my leg.

"_Wait!"_ I yelled, panicking.

"One!"

_Click._

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" I screamed, my body twisting at the pain. My vision swam. I felt hands clamp on me tight. Voices chattered in my ears, before I sank down into blessed darkness.

Again.


	7. Fifth Memory

_For those interested in reading my notes on this story, as well as art and drabbles, go to fragminis-de-memoria . tumblr . com._

* * *

><p>"Hey, Lavi?"<p>

"Hmm?"

"Why are akuma called akuma?"

Lavi looked up from his report. Belle stared back from her seat on the floor in front of the fireplace. Her head was tilted back, her eyes blinking innocently as she looked at him – upside down. "I mean…" she paused, wriggling inside her blanket a little further. She looked like a giant grub all rolled up like that, Lavi noted absently. A warm, happy, white grub.

If Belle had heard that thought, she'd have punched him. Luckily for him, she was busy thinking about other things. "'Akuma' is a Japanese word, right?" she continued, finally settled. "But Japan's been closed for 300 years. And akuma only appeared a hundred years ago, right? So… how?" She stared up at him again.

Lavi leaned back against his chair, contemplating his answer. While Belle preferred to act silly and carefree, he knew she wasn't a complete airhead. She simply chose what to focus her (admittedly limited) concentration on.

"Well…" he began, turning around to face her fully. "It's true that Japan's been in isolation for 300 years. However, it only went under _full _isolation about a hundred years ago, give or take."

Belle rolled over and faced him, her chin in her hands and her eyes wide with that interested, focused look he was beginning to know well. He grinned. It was nice having an appreciative audience.

"See, the term _isolation_ isn't exactly accurate. Back then, Japan still traded with China, Korea, and the Netherlands, so they weren't exactly isolated. But they _only_ traded with those countries, and they didn't let any of their citizens leave the country either. Of course, all trade stopped once the Earl found Japan and turned it into an akuma nesting ground."

"That doesn't explain why they're called akuma." His audience pointed out. He pouted.

"Let me finish! Anyway," he coughed, "The first sighting of an akuma was recorded by a Danish priest-"

"Danish?" Belle interrupted, raising an eyebrow.

"It's what you call people from the Netherlands." Lavi drawled, grinning as her mouth pursed into an 'oh'. "_As I was saying,_ the first sighting of an akuma was recorded by a Danish priest named Cato Sørensen, who had gone to Japan to study its culture and try to convert some natives."

Belle's eyes widened in realization. "So it was the Japanese who named the akuma?"

Lavi raised a finger. "Technically, it was Father Cato who named them akuma. But yes, he got the name from the Japanese. When he witnessed the akuma attack, it was the word the Japanese kept screaming, so he adopted it and named the creature as such."

"And then Japan clammed up a few years later." she guessed.

"People disappearing, ships not returning…" he let his smile widen, turning into what Belle had once called his _it's-so-disturbing-and-I-love-it_ smile. "Sounds like the perfect place for a vacation, doesn't it?"

Belle rolled her eyes, and gave an exaggerated shudder for his benefit. "Sounds like the Bermuda Triangle to me." she scoffed. He couldn't hold back a chuckle at her reaction. She smiled and rolled over, folding her arms behind her head. "So you read the original account?" she asked again.

"Of course." he said proudly, enjoying the jealous (upside down) pout she sent his way. If there was one thing they both had in common, it was a hunger for books and information. Of course, his was more insatiable, but then again, it was the reason he became a Bookman in the first place…

"Betchu don't know what the word 'akuma' means," she snapped in retaliation.

"What, and you do?" he smirked.

She blinked. "Uhh, yeah…?"

"…you're bluffing."

She grinned, knowing she'd got him now. "You yourself know I know basic Japanese. Different dimension, remember?" She tapped her temple, the action a mockery of what he usually did whenever people forgot about his Bookman status, and the abilities that came with it.

He scowled. "For all you know, it might not even mean the same thing as it did in your world!"

"Well, obviously it doesn't mean 'big hulking machines of evil and doom' in my world." she said sarcastically.

"…"

"…"

Dammit, she _knew _he couldn't resist the lure of information. Even over something as little as this.

"Fine!" he groaned in frustration. "I give up! What does it mean?"

He expected her to hold out a little longer, or maybe show off a bit more. What he didn't expect was her gaze to turn distant and her voice to drop into a whisper. "…it means 'demon' in English."

The fireplace crackled.

"...Well isn't that appropriate." Lavi quipped. Not his best comeback, but then again, her statement wasn't exactly that fun either.

"Isn't it?" Belle said softly, her eyes on the ceiling and beyond. "And to think they even managed to name us something just as appropriate, by pure coincidence. 'Exorcists' indeed…"

He didn't know what exactly to say to that. Apparently deciding the conversation was over, Belle yawned and curled up on herself, her eyelids drooping. One hand extended to touch Memory, pulling her Innocence to her like a child would its favorite blankie.

Looking at her, it didn't seem like she was any different from any other normal girl. But she wasn't. A girl who was pulled out of her own dimension by the Ark of a long-dead Noah coming back to life in a boy her age… there was no way she was a normal girl.

His eye narrowed.

She may have been telling the truth when she said she didn't know why the Fourteenth had picked her out. But that won't stop him from trying to discover what she was trying to hide.

Of course he knew she was hiding something. After all, if there was one thing Bookmen were experts on…

It was secrets.


	8. Sixth Memory

I knelt forgotten on the ground next to Krory (no wait, it was Crowley, right?), listening to the happy shouts sounding faintly from the hallway outside. I didn't recognize any of the voices apart from those who had found me in the Ark, but I could guess anyway.

That choked up wail would be Miranda… the wheezy, old man yelling at Lavi should be Bookman… who else was there? The General whatshisname… and shouldn't Noise Marie be there too?

My hand resting on the sofa clenched into a fist. The soft leather creaked in protest.

I really was here… wasn't I? There was no way it could be a dream…

I've had dreams before - lucid dreams, even. Dreams where I was thinking, and moving, on my own…

This wasn't one of them. I knew _that _much.

I was really… here…

Pain registered on my senses. I looked down to find my knuckles white and trembling. My sight was blurring, my teeth biting down on my lip.

It was impossible. There was no way it could be true.

But it was.

What about home? My mom? My dad? My brother, my friends? How could I get back? _Could _I get back?

Crap. I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes. I couldn't cry. I couldn't, _wouldn't-_!

A slight rustle of cloth jerked me out of my thoughts. My eyes snapped to my only waking companion in the room.

Cross Marian.

I stared at him, shaking. His hair was long, a dark, russet red that merely hinted at his own mysterious personality. His legs were crossed, his hand holding a (goddamn) cigarette that I could smell from across the room. His uniform stood out against the stark white walls and the whiteness of his chair. His chained coffin stood behind him like a shadow.

I didn't want to look at him in the eye. I was _scared _of looking at him in the eye. I was in no state to build up a proper lie, or even think of one, to explain how I had gotten here.

It didn't even cross my mind to tell the truth. Because the moment the truth came out I would be dead.

I looked anyway.

I froze.

His expression was cold and judging. The white mask on his face only served to heighten the intimidation emanating from him.

But his eye…

His eye was filled with pity. Irritation, yes… but also pity.

My heart beat in my throat.

"You know…" It came out as a croak, a loud sound in the empty space. I could no longer hear the others shouting outside. "You know why… why… why am I here? Tell me! Why am I here?!"

I didn't realize I'd stood until I was only a few feet away. It said a lot about my height when Cross didn't even need to tilt his head to look me in the eye from his seat. Up close I could see the white mask covering half of his face, and the spectacles connected to them.

He didn't answer me.

"Tell me! Why am I here? Why was I brought here? Why…why me?" The sentence ended with a sob. I tried to speak some more, but my throat had closed up. I couldn't see his expression anymore through the tears flowing down my cheeks.

"I think you know."

He spoke. He'd _spoken._

I glared at him as much as I could. "Believe me, I _don't._" I snapped. It didn't sound very intimidating, especially after I hiccuped.

I heard an exasperated sigh. Irritation crept into his voice. "As far as I know, he wanted a trump card. An insurance, so there's an even smaller chance his plans will go wrong.

"He wanted to try for the heck of it too. To do something no one else could, and succeed. The bastard was an idiot."

There was no doubt as to who _he _was. And to what that _something _was-

"Are you saying I'm just a, a _fucking experiment_?! That I was b-brought here, without word or warning, all by myself, to _prove a fucking experiment_?! What about my family? My home? I want you to take me back, _right now_, because if you think I'm the kind of idiot who'd want to stay here just because it's the world of a _show _I used to watch, you can take that _stupid _gun of yours and shove it up your-!"

"Hey." It was only a single word, but it sounded as cold as ice and felt as hot as a blazing fire. My mouth clamped shut automatically, my body reacting on instinct at the _danger _simmering quietly under a hidden face and half-lidded brown eye. "Look, you stupid brat, don't blame _me._ I certainly didn't bring you here, and even if I did I would have picked someone more well-endowed than you." I stared incredulously at him. Not only was that insult so out of place, it was uncalled for! "As for going home, you can just give up that idea as early as now, because if there's one thing I know it's that there is no way back for you."

Iron fingers clamped tight on my wrist. I blinked, realizing I'd just raised my hand to slap him. He simply stared at me, his eye looking like he could see right _through _me and into my soul. I couldn't look away.

I couldn't look away, because there was no lie in his gaze, no mockery, no pride, just the cold, simple truth.

And pity. Pity for a child thrown into a war without choice or reason, only as something to be used as a source of information… a fucking _cheat code._

My legs collapsed under me. The white floor blurred in my vision. My body heaved, and I was sobbing, crying at his feet for the home I'd lost and the people I would never see again because of stupidity and human nature and desperation and pride. His grip on my wrist loosened, until he was holding my hand instead.

"I'm sorry." he said gruffly. But it was sincere.

It only made me cry harder.

"…eneral? General!"

"General, we heard yelling, are you alr-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"MASTER WE LEAVE YOU FOR _ONE SECOND_-"

I pulled my hand away to cover a hiccup that could have been a laugh. My back was to the door, so it gave me a little time to compose myself while Cross yelled at the others over my head.

That first day showed me only a hint of the loneliness and pain that would become a staple of my life with the Black Order.


	9. Seventh Memory Part 1

"Hey… Tim… I chose this road for myself… right?" Allen murmured softly. His golem, in the process of devouring a long sandwich, paused, and looked up at its master. He shifted, curling tighter into a ball as he perched precariously on the piano chair, in the hidden room of the Fourteenth. "No one else chose this road for me… right? So… why…"

Reluctant to let a good sandwich go to waste, Timcampy swallowed the rest of it whole, before flitting over to Allen. It flew worriedly around the boy's head, as if trying to dispel the gloom hanging there. Allen's only reaction was to bury his face in his arms. "Those characters on the musical score… they're the ones Mana and I made up, long ago. Why are they there?"

Tim slowed, hovering in front of his face. While the golem itself did not have a face, something in the way its wings fluttered showed its unhappiness at its master's plight. Suddenly, it turned towards the half-open door of the room, the way in blocked by Allen's trail of leftovers. It caught a glimpse of white, and a shadow disappearing from sight.

In a flash, Timcampy was out the door, surprising Allen out of his brooding. "Tim?" he called, half-rising from his seat.

A voice cried out from outside. "Ow! Ow! I didn't mean to- Okay! I'm sorry, okay, don't bite me- hey! Give that back!" Just as quickly as it had left, Timpcampy flew back in, clutching something shiny in its teeth. It settled itself on Allen's head, swishing its tail proudly.

"Tim…? What have you got there?" Allen tried to look up, only to be distracted as the door swung open. Startled, he turned towards the entrance. There stood the girl from yesterday, looking a bit bedraggled – and still in her nightgown. He quickly focused on her face, blushing.

She sidestepped the remains of a fried chicken and squinted at him. "Are you… um… sorry, I-"

"Allen," he said hurriedly, realizing what she was stumbling over. He rose to his feet and held out his hand. "My name is Allen, Allen Walker."

"Um. Hi." The girl seemed to hesitate, before reaching out to take his hand and shake it. Her touch was light, and she pulled away quickly. "Annabelle dela Cruz. Nice to meet you." she added belatedly, like she had only remembered to say it just in time.

"Nice to meet you Miss Cruz." he replied, without missing a beat. If there was one thing you could say about Allen it was that the kid knew how one should treat a lady.

She wrinkled her nose. "First of all, it's dela Cruz. Second… please don't call me that. It makes me feel old. Just Belle is fine."

"Miss Belle, then." Allen nodded politely.

"Just Belle." she insisted.

Allen couldn't help the blush of discomfort that bloomed across his face. "But isn't that… are you sure? It would be inappropriate of me to… wouldn't it be too familiar?" he stammered, his calm demeanor shattered.

Her face immediately took on an expression of blind panic. "Is it? I'm so, so sorry I had no idea! It's fine if you want to call me that, I didn't mean to cause you trouble-"

"Oh, no, it's no trouble at all, if it's what makes you comfortable-"

"No really, don't mind me, if it's not right then don't do it, I don't know how things work around here-"

The girl stopped. They stared at each other, at the absurdity of their situation.

She burst out giggling first. Allen couldn't help but follow after. Their laughter was soft, but it filled the room and chased away the remains of the darkness caused by Allen's mood.

"I'm sorry," she finally said, smiling sheepishly. "I don't…" she hesitated. "I'm not… from… around here…" Her speech was slow, as if she was weighing every word before she said it. "I'm not from around here, so… I don't know what's customary. So if you want to call me-" her lips twisted, before fixing themselves back into a neutral expression. It was the only sign of her discomfort. "-_Miss_ Belle, that's fine."

Allen shook his head. "No, no, you surprised me, that's all." he said gently. While she tried to hide her feelings, he could see her nervousness behind her shifting feet and wrung hands. "It's alright if you'd rather I call you by your given name alone."

"Are you sure?" She bit her lip. He nodded reassuringly. "Oh. Okay." The girl – Belle – smiled shyly. "…Thank you."

Allen smiled back. "It's nothing."

It really was. Just habit, really. Mana had pounded those lessons into him in an effort to exorcise the brat inside him. Cross would get furious the few times he ever offended a lady the man was trying to seduce. It was only upon coming to the Order, where everyone was from practically everywhere, that he was slowly learning to relax the rigid European rules regarding etiquette.

That didn't mean he was going to give them up though. "So… is there anything I can help you with, M- Belle?"

He caught a tinge of pink on her tan cheeks. "Oh. Right. Um." She blinked rapidly. "Is that… yellow… thing… on your head?" Again with the slow speech. English probably wasn't her first language. But wait, she was speaking just fine earlier…

"Can't… you see him?" Puzzled, Allen reached up. Yes, Tim was still on his head. He patted the golem, and felt something cold under his fingertips.

"He stole my glasses." Ah, that explained it. Allen prodded the ball on his head.

"Tim, give them back," he ordered. The golden ball of fuzz shuffled, but stubbornly kept its teeth clamped on the spectacles. "Tim," he said warningly, and poked it again. Finally, Timcampy rose and flew to Belle, spitting the glasses onto her outstretched hands.

"Thanks, Tim." She put them on, just in time to see the golem bare its teeth at her. Startled, she jumped back. It then proceeded to blow her a raspberry before flying back to Allen.

"Sorry about that," Allen apologized, laughing slightly.

"No, it's alright. Thank you…"She hesitated yet again. Allen tilted his head.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

Belle shook her head. "No, um…" She blinked, looked up at him, then down again quickly. Her hands were twisting all over themselves again. "Do I call you Mister Allen, or…"

"Oh." He couldn't help but laugh at that. Her cheeks reddened. He backtracked hastily. "Forgive me. It's alright. You can call me Allen. Everyone does." he reassured her.

"Right. Sorry." She ducked her head, her face pink as a rose. "Allen." She whispered it, slowly, as if tasting the word.

Allen stared a little. He hadn't noticed when they'd first met (they _were _kind of occupied) but it looked like the girl had an accent when she spoke. It was a bit wide, with hard consonants, and lilting in the wrong places, but it seemed to give her voice a more musical tone than not.

He could understand her, sure. What puzzled him is the fact that he couldn't recognize her accent at all. He was sure he'd remember if he'd encountered anything like it in his travels.

Thinking there was no harm in asking, and that the silence was going to become awkward soon, Allen asked her just that. "Forgive me for asking, but, where are you from? I don't think I've heard an accent like yours before."

She blinked. "I have an accent?" she started in surprise, before clamping her mouth shut and looking away. Color was flowing into her cheeks again. "Sorry. I'm, ah, I'm a Filipino. We're from somewhere in Southeast Asia. Maybe that's why."

"Oh, is that so?" He tried to remember if he'd heard of that country, or race before, but drew a blank. She giggled. "What's so funny?" he asked, feeling bemused.

"Oh." She pressed a hand against her lips, looking horrified she'd been caught in the act. She sure was shy… "No, it's just… since you mentioned it… I like your accent." she finished in a rush, before returning her hand to her lips and blushing madly.

He couldn't help but flush either. Her meekness was catchy. "Thank you." he said graciously. "Not many people say that about my accent. It's British, so it's quite common around here."

"Oh. Right. Of course." She blushed at her mistake. Allen wished she'd relax. It wasn't even that big a deal; it was a simple mistake someone not from around to make. He searched for some way he could help her.

"Would you like to come in?" He stepped to the side, motioning to the room. Belle nodded, biting her lip. She stepped inside, taking care to avoid the food remains on the ground. Her feet were bare, he noticed. Allen blushed. "Sorry about the mess." He never was at his gentlemanly best when eating…

"No, it's alright." She waved his apology away. Allen watched her as she looked around the room, absently avoiding Tim as it mock-dived at her head. He noticed her glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. Her dark eyes held nervousness, curiosity… and concern.

Concern? Why?

He wondered at the depth of the feelings he could see swimming in her eyes. They had only just met, right? So why…

He waited for her to ask what he was doing. Or any question, really. Anything that would explain the sympathy and sorrow he could see in her eyes. Dark pools stared up at him – and somehow he knew that she had no need to ask, and was not going to.

Instead her gaze wandered to the piano dominating the room. "Can I touch it?" she asked suddenly.

Allen hesitated. That was the Fourteenth's piano, the instrument that controlled the Ark… but try as he might, he couldn't think of a valid reason to say no. "…Alright. But be careful," he added as she approached it. His heart rebelled at the idea that the piano would harm her – somehow, even just after a few hours of having gained control over it, Allen already felt at home in the Ark, without knowing why.

But his mind still called it the _Noah's_ Ark, therefore it was not something that should be trusted.

A normal person would have looked at him askance at the mere suggestion the beautiful white piano was dangerous. But Belle merely looked at him solemnly and nodded, before sitting on its cushioned chair.

Allen was beginning to realize that Belle wasn't an ordinary person.


	10. Seventh Memory Part 2

Allen watched Belle settle on the piano chair, adjusting her skirt and her posture before stilling. She stared at the piano for a few minutes, as if branding the image in her mind. Then slowly, tentatively, she reached out and pressed a key. A clear note rang through the air. And another. And another. It took Allen a few seconds to realize that he recognized the simple melody she was playing.

Ode to Joy was one of the hymns Mana had taught him for the times when they ran out of the little money they usually had. The sweet notes of the piano melded with the memories of a boy's soprano rising high as coins clinked in a snow-powdered hat.

"Do you know the song?" Allen snapped out of his thoughts.

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear-" he apologized once more, but Belle just waved it away.

"I asked if you knew Ode to Joy. You were humming along." She looked more relaxed, he noticed gladly.

"Don't you?" he asked her. She shook her head and frowned at the keyboard.

"Just the notes. Do, Do, Re, Mi, Mi…" she demonstrated with a clear voice as she pressed the individual keys. "And only with my right hand too."

"Is there something wrong with your left?" Allen could feel his own hand twitching in sympathy. But Belle was already shaking her head.

"Nah. It's just that the last time I took piano lessons was, what, nine to ten years ago?" She pursed her lips thoughtfully. "I know which keys are which notes, but the ability to read a piano piece is different from the ability to play the piano." She placed both hands on the keys, but made no move to play. "My brain knows, but my hands have forgotten."

He stepped closer. "Maybe you could teach me," he suggested tentatively. She looked up at him, puzzled.

"But you were playing earlier-"

"I didn't know what I was playing. My fingers just moved on their own." His answer was honest, but clipped.

Once more, where a normal person would have asked or stared, Belle simply blinked at him, then sighed and said, "Alright."

Allen was starting to become curious. What kind of person was she, that she took questionable statements at face value?

"But I can only teach you theory, okay? You'll have to play on your own," the subject of his thoughts added suddenly, blushing.

"No, it's alright, I understand," he assured her. She nodded, and moved to the side. He sat, taking care not to sit too close to her, as was proper. This time she didn't even notice. She was too busy focusing on the keyboard.

"Okay, so this is Do." She pressed the corresponding key, letting the note ring out clearly. "It can also be referred to as C. Yes, the letter. Next is Re…"

He listened closely as she listed the rest of the notes in what she called an 'octave'. "An octave is basically this set of notes." She splayed out her hands to encompass the seven notes she had taught him. "Then you just repeat those notes across the keyboard. So both these keys play the note Do, but one is on a higher octave and another is lower, so they're on different pitches." Her hands hopped across the keys, demonstrating.

"It sounds very confusing," Allen remarked, amazed at all the new information. Who knew playing the piano was so complicated?

"I guess it is." Belle laughed. "I think it would be easier if I wrote it down for you. It's easier to distinguish between notes that way. There are special symbols for each one, which can also dictate how long you should play a note, etcetera…"

Impulsively Allen called Timcampy over. The golem came, and landed at the place where the music piece was supposed to go. There Tim opened his mouth, revealing the musical score of the Fourteenth.

Belle gasped.

"Can you read this?" Allen asked hopefully.

"No… I'm sorry," she murmured, gazing with open wonder at the hologram. Allen felt his face burn from disappointment and shame. Why did he ask Tim to show it to her anyway? Somehow, talking to her had soothed him and his tired soul, made his guard drop… gave him hope. "…Allen?"

"I'm sorry," he said automatically, snapping to attention. "What did you say?"

"I asked if you could play it for me." Belle said quietly. "It's the song you played before, right?"

He stiffened. Belle squirmed, her expression showing her regret at her words. He looked at the score. At the symbols he had playfully helped create. He remembered drawing them on the snow, nothing more than a child's game. Then he remembered seeing them again, hovering in the air above Timcampy, as the shadow in the mirror declared they were his.

His heart grew heavy.

"Did I really… choose this path for myself?" he whispered.

"Did you?"

His head snapped towards his companion. She looked at him, emotions he couldn't name whirling within her deep, deep eyes. None of them were the insecurity she displayed so openly before.

"Did you?" she continued. "Did you move on when you could have stopped? Did you stand firm when you could have run? Did you choose to live…" Her voice lowered to a whisper. "…when you could have given up… and died?"

Allen felt like his heart had stopped. He couldn't breathe. The silence in the room was deafening.

"Do you…" He couldn't speak. His mouth worked, but nothing came out. He tried again. "Do you know something?" He sounded like he was begging. He felt desperate. Playing the piano, meeting the shadow in the mirror… it had truly shaken him. It was like someone had ripped all his certainties away, leaving him with nothing but doubts and fears.

Her eyes were dark and sorrowful, her voice laden with sympathy and… regret? "I'm sorry." she shook her head. "But no, I don't… not what you're asking for." She hesitated. "…I just said what I believed."

"What you… believe?" Allen repeated numbly.

"I believe that whatever the world may throw at us, every step is a choice… our own choice. No one can make it for us. Only you can live your life, nobody else. That's my answer." Her shyness seemed to be creeping back. "You asked," she added defensively.

He looked at her – at the nameless girl who had mysteriously appeared inside the Ark, a creation of a person no one knew, only known by a number and a title. She looked back, her lips set in a stubborn line, eyes small but determined, until her cheeks turned red and she looked away.

She looked just like any other girl.

"I'm sorry," she said miserably. "I'm prying into things I know nothing about. I shouldn't be here, I-"

"Thank you." Her eyes widened at his words. He smiled at her, one of his rare, true smiles.

Then he placed his hands on the keys and began to play.

The melody flowed around him. Once more, he was lost and not lost. His fingers moved skillfully over the keys that he did not know how to play. In his mind, he could hear a voice, faint and unrecognizable, but clear:

_**And so the little boy closed his eyes and settled down to sleep**_

_**Within the ash, lay the embers of a fading flame**_

_**One or two, flickering still...**_

_I choose. I choose to keep walking, no matter what. Because that's what I promised you…_

_Right, Mana?_

The song was ending. He felt an odd sense of regret. The song stirred something in his heart. He was the most peaceful he'd been in years while playing the song. Somehow, it felt like there was nothing that could harm him, that there were no worries to bother him, as long as his hands played the keys. It brought comfort, and a little sadness as it ended.

As he slowly rose back to consciousness, Allen realized something odd. He'd always been able to hear the words of the lullaby being sung in his head.

But now, he could hear it with his ears too.

He turned to the only possible source.

Belle's head was bowed, her eyes distant and half-lidded. It was soft, but he could hear her voice, singing the song of the Fourteenth, thick with emotion.

_**Even then, I will still keep on praying**_

_**Oh God, please give love to this dear child**_

_**As I lay a kiss on our joined hands**_

The song was done. Her eyes fluttered, then opened. She looked at him. Dark orbs widened. The blood rushed from her face.

"You-" Allen said in shock. Before he could continue, a low chuckle cut him off, followed by another, and another. His eyes flew over Belle's shoulder, to the mirror and the shadow-man from his dreams doubled over, laughing manically. As if sensing his gaze, it looked at him–

And smiled.

Something changed in the mirror. Allen couldn't just see the shadow anymore. He saw his own shocked face reflected in the glass – and beside it, a pale, horrified, wide-eyed little girl.

His heart jumped painfully in his chest. He whirled around to face her, lips fighting to talk fast enough. "You can see-"

But she was already up, turning away with a swish of her white nightgown.

"I'd better go," Belle said hurriedly, not meeting his eyes. "See you!" She bolted out the door.

"Wait!" Allen cried out, leaping up and knocking the chair back. It shrieked in protest. He hesitated – too late.

She was gone.


	11. Eighth Memory

I was lucky no one was looking in my direction as I dashed out of the Gate in panic. That would have made for some very awkward questions, especially since my face felt like someone had drained all the blood from my skin. Considering how terrified I was, it wasn't that big a surprise.

_Empty eyes and an empty smile grinning impossibly wide as it cackled madly_

The stone floor was cold under my feet. I ran like the hounds of hell were chasing me, my heart beating in my ears. I didn't know where I was going, I didn't know what I was going to do, but it felt good – comforting – to run as far away as my legs could take me, from that, that-

My heart froze in my chest. I skidded to a stop, panting, whirling around, searching-

A window!

I grabbed the sill with my hands, taking in as much of my reflection as I could see. My black hair showed up starkly against the setting sun. I traced my own round face, with the full lips, and the too-big nose, and small dark eyes that were wide with fear. I could barely recognize myself.

I shook my head and looked higher. Relief made my knees go weak. I sighed and pressed my forehead against the window, letting the cool glass soothe me.

There was no shadow man hanging over my reflection.

My eyes gazed into empty space as I recalled the reflection in the mirror – the shadow of the Fourteenth. Why had I seen it? Only Allen is supposed to be able to see it, and yet I saw it _and _heard it, clear as day! At least he isn't following me everywhere – a sure sign of possession. But then again, it makes even less sense when you think about it. How could I see him in Allen's reflection when I'm not the one hosting his memories, soul – whatever!

I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting back the moisture building up at the corners.

It was all too sudden. I'd been hearing Allen's Lullaby in my dreams for weeks before I lay down on my bed and opened my eyes to a blue, artificial sky. I'd never even thought twice about it… I had even enjoyed it. And now I was trapped in a dream that wouldn't let me wake up.

_The D. Gray-man world… _I bit back a curse. Of all the worlds I could have ended up in. Why didn't whatever deity that sent me here send me somewhere safer? Like… I dunno, the Sailor Moon universe? I like the Sailor Moon universe! Except I'm too chubby around the everywhere area to look good in those uniforms, but at least I'll be safe! Right?

Instead, I got sent to a place where even just _inhaling _the wrong air would off you in a heartbeat! What on earth did I do to deserve this?

"…Oh my God." I whispered under my breath, realizing something else. "I'm a _real life self-insert. _What the _freaking hell."_ I wanted to laugh, but it came out as a croak instead. Good. I had a feeling if I started laughing I would never ever stop.

To think of all the fangirls who would give anything to be in my place…

I'd trade with them in an instant. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to become a part of this story… of _their _story. I didn't want to care about _them _more than I already did from behind the screen, especially when-

"What are you doing?"

"_EEK!" _I jumped, bumping my head painfully on the glass I was leaning on. "Ow!"

Somebody laughed. I turned around, rubbing the sore spot, to find Lavi doubled over in mirth. I scowled. "Not funny."

"S-sorry," he chuckled, straightening. "You're the girl from the Ark, right?"

I bit back a sarcastic, _No shit, peabrain_. (I'm sorry for my mental potty mouth.) I'd had enough of hearing that statement the last couple of days, but I wasn't fool enough to think this would be the last time I'd be hearing it either.

"Yeah." I replied shortly.

"My name's Lavi. What's your name?" He held out a hand for me to shake. It took me a split second to react – people my age didn't really shake hands back home.

"Belle. Annabelle dela Cruz." I shook his hand tentatively. His hand was larger and firmer than Allen's, but just as calloused. I had an obligatory moment of fangirling – Oh my _God_ I am touching _Lavi's hand – _before I let go. I hope my hands hadn't gotten clammy from touching the cold window.

"Where have you been?" Lavi asked, acting like nothing strange had happened – which, in retrospect, nothing had. To him, at least. "I thought you'd be at the medical ward, but someone said you left earlier."

"I was supposed to talk to Komui, but they said he was in a meeting and told me to come back later." I explained, tucking my hands behind my back and clutching at my skirt. There was a stray strand of hair by my cheek. I fought the urge to tuck it behind my ear like some pink cheeked shy little nerd.

Okay maybe I _was _a shy little nerd (not sure about the pink cheeked). But there was no need to rub in the impression!

"Komui, huh." He mumbled, lone green eye staring thoughtfully at me. I had to fight, once again, with the urge to fidget.

Then I realized.

Well shit. I was wearing nothing but a nightgown. A thick white nightgown, sure, but a nightgown nonetheless.

I could feel my face turning into an inferno. Absently I wondered if that meant I was blushing. I'd never caught myself blushing before. Can I even blush? What if I'm too tan to blush?

I crossed my arms and glared at Lavi. "Looking for something?" I asked with my iciest tone. He blinked, then seemed to realize his predicament.

"N-nothing, I was just thinking, I swear!" he yelped, waving his hands in front of his face.

"You better be sure of that," I growled.

"Ehehehe…" he smiled sheepishly, running a hand through his bright red hair. It was slightly surprising how, even if he was right in front of me, a real person, his hair was still the same scarlet shade that would never be accepted as natural in my world. "Now that you mention it, though… you should probably get a change of clothes."

"As you probably already know, I don't have any." I sighed, pushing the automatic rush of homesickness into the back of my mind. "Otherwise I'd have changed clothes loooong before this conversation." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Don't worry about it! I know exactly who can help you with that." Grinning, Lavi promptly invaded my personal space, slinging an arm over my shoulders. I yelped and tried to squirm away, but he held firm, pulling me along down the hallway. I twitched, hyperaware of every part of me connecting to him like a pot on low fire. I could already feel myself trying to shrink away from his touch.

He was a _guy_! In my _personal space_!

If he noticed my discomfort, he never mentioned it. His grip around my shoulders was firm enough that I couldn't slip away, but loose enough that it didn't feel like he was hugging me. (Which would have been even worse.)

I tried to struggle anyway. "Laviiii…" My voice sounded _way _too close to a whine for comfort. "Let me gooooo…" If my cheeks were on fire before, they were going to hell now. It felt like every person we passed by was staring _right at me_. And Lavi. Who was _still_ holding on to me. "_Lavi!_"

"Relax! I don't bite!" he said, as bright as sunshine.

"_That's not really my problem at the moment." _

He ignored me. "So, why don't you tell me about yourself, Belle?"

I resigned myself to a walk filled with immeasurable suffering. "Like?" I asked dully, shoulders scrunched up and slouching like an old woman.

"Hmm, maybe... Where are you from?"

"From a galaxy far, far away."

"So you're an extraterrestrial?" He didn't even seem rattled by my sarcasm. Wow.

"Back in my world, we call 'em aliens."

"How interesting." His voice hadn't changed in tone at all! "And your family?"

"Little green people, barely taller than me. They were pretty cool."

"Hugging them must have been hard," he noted.

"Huh?" I glanced at him. He glanced back.

"Wouldn't it have been cold?" he teased, guiding me around a scientist and a trolley. The man raised a hand in greeting, which Lavi returned. I tried to disappear.

"What do you mean co- oh." Riiight. Slang. Cultural differences. Etcetera. "By cool I meant awesome. Admirable. Something like that."

He shot me a weird look. "…I see."

Ha! I broke him! "Can you let go of me nowww?" Yeah, I was definitely whining now.

"Relax, we're nearly there!" He gave my arm what he probably thought was a reassuring rub before dragging me over to what I recognized as the doors to the hospital wing.

God, I sound like freaking Harry Potte-

_BAM!_

"Maaatrooon! Have you seen Lenalee aroouund?" Lavi called cheerfully, walking in like he owned the place. I stumbled in after him, wide-eyed and part deaf from Lavi all but kicking the doors open. Matron didn't look too pleased at his entrance (note the sarcasm here), her narrow eyes turning into slits, and her impressive eyebrows turning into an impressive V over them. And don't get me started on her mouth. A ruler would look like a bendy stick compared to it the way she was glaring at Lavi now.

I craned my neck past his arm to beg Matron with big watery eyes. The way Lavi pulled me along, barely even waiting for me to keep up, was starting to make my neck ache like crazy. And my back, too.

Thankfully Matron had sharp eyes and an even sharper tongue. "_LAVI!"_ she barked, causing the happy teen to stop in his tracks. "Let go of Belle right now! You're going to break her back at the rate you're going! And what are you doing walking in here like that? You're disturbing the patients!"

"Sorry," he said meekly, letting go at last. I slipped away, sighing in relief and resisting the urge to scrub my hands up and down my arms like I had… had…

Cooties.

I immediately felt like the stupidest thing on earth.

But all that scolding proved a Lavi with his mind set on something is not something even the scary looking Matron could deter. "But we needed to find Lenalee, and I was just making sure she didn't wander off-"

My eyes met with a brown haired woman's, sitting by an occupied bed. I couldn't see the occupant's face, but I think it was Crowley. She offered me a small smile, the deep shadows under her eyes giving it a slightly ghastly look. I smiled shyly back, sharing her exasperati-

_BAM!_

I squeaked.

"Oops, sorry Matron! Have you seen- oh!" The pixie cut looked good on Lenalee, I reflected randomly. It let her large, slanted eyes shine bright on her pale face. "There you are!" Then she was approaching me, taking my hands in hers and smiling like she was my best buddy. "I've been looking all over for you! They told me one of the new recruits had mistakenly sent you away. I know you don't have any clothes of your own other that the ones you're wearing, so I thought you could use some help with that." If possible, her dazzling smile grew even _brighter_. "I have some old clothes I barely use anymore. You could borrow those."

I blinked. Then tried to speak. Found out I couldn't, and realized I'd forgotten to breathe.

She sounded like those _popular cheerleader types_ who could talk a mile a minute and make friends in half the time! And she didn't even have the Chinese accent I expected from a girl with that kind of face!

But then again, she _has _been here in Brit… _Europe _(who knew where the heck in the world I was? Not me!) for years.

"Well that's funny, because I was thinking the exact same thing!" Lavi approached us, sporting his own wide grin and slinging his arm around Lenalee this time. I didn't know if I should be upset that he didn't have to lean down to do it, or guiltily gleeful that it was her turn to suffer his weight.

Lenalee only laughed and smacked him playfully in the side. She didn't even bend over a little.

Maybe she's got shoulders of iron. I seriously felt like pouting now.

"Miss Belle," Lavi said, his voice in a mocking, formal tone. "May I have the pleasure of introducing Miss Lenalee Lee, sister of the Black Order Supervisor and an Exorcist in her own right."

"Oh hush, Lavi." Lenalee giggled. "Don't mind him," she turned to me. "He likes to act like a fool, but he's sweet when you catch him off-guard."

That's probably just because it's you, I wanted to say, but held that back. I did not ship Lavi/Lenalee (though I wasn't against it either- hello, neutral party) but Lenalee had the sort of charm that even I, barely five minutes into her acquaintance and uncomfortable around strangers, felt tugging at me. No wonder practically everyone in the Order was half in love with her.

"That's what I'm terrified of," I said instead, making Lenalee giggle again while Lavi's face took on an expression of mock hurt.

"Come on," Lenalee smiled, taking my hand once more and tugging me towards the door. "Let's see if anything I have fits you."

"Can I come too?" Lavi turned a big, sparkling green eye on us, with a matching pout to boot. "I'll be good, I promise!"

"_GOOD BYE LAVI_." I had way too much fun slamming the door in his face. Lenalee's musical laughter echoed through the halls as she led me to her room.

Relief trickled up my spine.

Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all.


	12. Ninth Memory

The back of Allen's neck prickled.

He shuffled the forms in his hands (damn Link and his paperwork, although he'd never say that to his face) and peeked out of the corner of his eyes. The only person in the library with him was a scientist, who was already leaving with a book in his hands, and Belle, who was frowning at Memory's pages like she was waiting for it to spontaneously combust.

He scratched his cheek with a finger, then mentally shrugged and went back to answering the forms in front of him. He shifted a little, trying to find a more comfortable position on the sofa. Usually he did his paperwork on one of the tables in the library, but Kanda had been particularly brutal today (Allen wasn't sorry, he _had_ looked really pretty that morning) so sitting on a hard wooden chair was not an option.

Yes, he hadn't broken any rules concerning the Ark today, no, he didn't feel any unnatural feelings of bloodlust - seriously, was there a natural feeling of bloodlust? Did they expect him to go berserk every time he saw an Akuma?

The prickling feeling returned. He looked up, frowning, but there was no one looking through the bookshelves anymore. Belle was hidden behind her book-shaped Innocence, muttering obscenities under her breath. He eyed her for a few more seconds, before returning to his forms.

Thank goodness Link had been called away for a debriefing. It was one of the few moments Allen was sure he was alone without having to run away and hide from the man. Though the way Link had glared at him before he'd left made it seem like he expected Allen to turn gray and burn Headquarters to the ground while he was gone. While cackling evilly.

Goosebumps ghosted over his neck and he whirled-

"Is there something on my face?" he smiled politely, masking irritation with pleasantry.

"Eek!" Belle squeaked, almost dropping Memory in her haste. "No! Nononono, no, I, um." She swallowed, blushing, and adjusted her glasses. With a soft groan, she pulled herself up from her twisted position on her own sofa, courtesy of Allen's surprise attack. "Sorry," she grimaced. "I was practicing some of the memory exercises Lavi taught me and... You're the only person around. I'm sorry for bothering you."

"It's alright." Curiosity overrode Allen's annoyance. Belle projecting her memory and having it appear in her Innocence was an ability they had only discovered recently. "May I see?" he asked.

With a soft grunt, Belle unfolded her legs and shifted over to his much longer sofa. She settled herself, before handing over her Innocence. Allen put his papers aside and accepted it.

Belle had managed three pages of his visage before getting caught in the act. Allen bit back a laugh. The clarity of the image within Memory's pages relied on the clarity of Belle's memory. None of the images looked like him at all. In fact, one was even covered in blurry blotches, as if someone had allowed the paper to get wet. How that happened, he had no idea.

His face must have betrayed him, however. Belle's expression twisted into a wry smile. "I just can't get your nose right," she smiled ruefully.

"That's because I told you not to start with people, remember?" The sofa groaned and sank a little as a new weight landed heavily on the cushions. Belle shrieked in surprise as the new person leaned against her side, squishing her against Allen as well. He grunted, moving Memory out of the way before Belle hurt herself against her own Innocence.

"Lavi!" she shrieked. "Get your ugly butt off me!"

"Just say 'lovely ass' like I know you want to, dear. God won't smite you for it." Lavi's saucy reply was rewarded with a sofa cushion to the face.

"I'll show you 'lovely ass', you-" Allen blushed at the following round of expletives Belle fired at Lavi, words a lady her age was definitely not supposed to know. To be honest, though, he wasn't very impressed. He'd heard worse.

Lavi winked at him over Belle's head, even as she tried to shove him away with a pillow to the face. The redhead had made it his mission to get the girl to relax more around them. Normally, Allen would have approved. He just wasn't sure encouraging her swearing was the right way to do it.

"Your words wound me deeply," Lavi bemoaned, clasping his hands to his heart with an expression worthy of a player. "And here I am, doing my utmost to teach you the secret arts of the Bookmen-"

"-memorizing-"

Lavi looked offended. "I assure you, that is not the case! Our tradition is rife with secrets, secrets whose surface you have barely begun to scratch!"

"Memorizing." Belle decided, nodding to herself in certainty. "It's clearly all about memorizing."

Allen burst out laughing. Lavi's face as he spluttered was priceless. Belle had a surprisingly sharp tongue, and he was glad Lavi had freed it - even if it was at his expense.

_Especially_ if it was in his expense.

"Lavi, I swear, if you do not get off me _right now-_"

"Ow! Stop hitting me with that pillow already!"

It was Allen's turn now. "Lavi," he scolded gently, supporting Belle's back with his hands (she was nearly bent double over his lap as she tried to shove Lavi's heavy weight away). "Please do not crowd the lady."

Belle's face glowed with triumph. "Yeah, Lavi, don't crowd the _lady._"

"Last time I checked, you weren't a lady." Lavi ducked the resulting pillow attack, but held his hands up in surrender, leaning back and allowing Belle to straighten. Without sparing a second, she leapt from the sofa and sat on the floor, a good two feet away from them both. "Geez, why are you always so twitchy?"

"Dammit Lavi, what did I tell you about personal space?" She glared at him, her face flushed from her exertions. Her arms encircled the pillow she hadn't let go of, her fingers digging into the soft material.

"But you hug Lenalee all the time!" he protested.

"Yeah, well, Lenalee's a _gir-_" Belle clapped her hands over her mouth, her face turning red.

The two boys on the sofa stared at her.

"…Are you into girls then? Because if that's your preference, we won't judge y-"

"_NO!_"

"Are you… afraid of men, Belle?" Allen asked hesitantly. Of course he'd noticed the subtle way she'd avoid sitting right next to him, or touching him, and how she got flustered whenever Lavi invaded her personal space- like now, he realized, as she clung to her cushion for comfort. But he'd always put it off as her trying to retain her lady's reputation. Now that he thought about it though, that conclusion didn't really match up with her admission to not knowing English customs or rules. She always laughed out loud, did not titter behind her hand, and insisted on eating a full meal with gusto, not picking daintily at her food no matter how much Lavi teased her about it.

"Well… nooooo…?" she trailed off, sounding confused herself.

The boys shot her incredulous looks.

"No!" she added quickly. "It's just, I… uhh… I… Argh!" She buried her face in her pillow. "Mmmngghfffmm."

"What?" Lavi raised an eyebrow – his only visible eyebrow – and leaned towards her, trying to hear.

"I just had some bad experiences, s'all…" Belatedly realizing her mistake, Belle looked up and cringed at Lavi and Allen's alarmed expressions. "_Not that kind of bad experience!_ I just had some really bad experiences with boys, that's all, and I embarrassed myself horribly, and it doesn't help that I've been stuck in an all-girls school for ten years, so I really, really, _really _have no idea how to talk to boys and-"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

She groaned and buried her face back into her pillow. "S'not funny!" she whined, raising her voice above Lavi's gleeful cackling.

"What are you talking about, it's totally funny! Absolutely hilarious!" She glared at him. "Oh come on, it's not like we're from another planet or anything!" he wheezed, trying to get his breath back. "Is _that_ why you keep acting like Allen and I are contagious? Do you expect us to _bite _you or something?"

"Of course not! Just because I'm too scared to embarrass myself around you two it doesn't mean that I'm _stupid. _Unlike you, who seems to be showing the loss of a good amount of brain cells at the moment!" Belle shot back.

"Why are you so worried that you'll embarrass yourself, Belle?" Allen ignored Lavi's current respiratory problems, honestly perplexed at Belle's behavior. "It's not like it's offensive to accidentally touch a person."

She fiddled with the carpet, unable to look at him in the eye. "Back home… hugging boys is a no-no. And… and… my parents were conservative and old-fashioned… they always looked down on girls that… act too touchy-feely with guys. They told me to always act ladylike, and not to swear, so that people wouldn't think I was a… a bad person…" She tugged at a loose thread. "And then when I come here, Lavi's throwing his arms _everywhere_, and nobody scolds me when I swear, and… I'm just trying to adjust," she finished weakly.

Lavi and Allen exchanged looks. Allen had never stumbled across a noble (Cross' social circles mainly belonged to his bedmates and their cousins), but he knew that the qualities Belle had just mentioned were prized in the female progeny of the upper class. And yet here she was, calling them old-fashioned and trying her best to shed them just to fit in to their, admittedly, rambunctious social circle.

"We're not asking you to change, Belle," Allen said soothingly, putting Memory down and seating himself on the floor with Belle. She followed him with big, teary eyes, the rest of her face covered by her pillow. "Lavi's just trying to get you to relax. We're all comrades here. There's no need to be so tense."

"What he said." Lavi copied Allen, sitting on Belle's other side. "You _do _know that a boy and a girl can hug and stay friends?" he couldn't help but add, a teasing smile on his face.

"I'm learning," Belle said glumly.

Allen frowned at Lavi. The other boy winced and raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable Belle. I promise I won't bug you next time." He shot Allen a look that clearly said, _Happy?_

"No! No, I'm actually… I'm actually glad." Both boys turned to stare at her. She blushed. "Pushing me out of my comfort zone like that… it was a good thing. I like… being myself around you guys. Acting all quiet and delicate…" Belle grimaced. "That's not me. If Lavi hadn't kept trying to annoy me, I'd have probably stayed that way. So..." She hesitated.

"Oof!" Allen fell back on his hands as a heavy weight landed on his body. He leaned back, lifting his head out of a bundle of black hair, and looked with surprise at the little he could see of Belle's head. He patted her back, smiling slightly as he felt her body tremble a little. She pulled away slowly, careful not to accidentally elbow him somewhere painful, before hugging Lavi next. Lavi looked absolutely delighted.

Belle only hugged him for a moment, before retracting her arms and sitting once more between them, her eyes on the floor.

"Yeah. Um. Thanks." Was all she was able to say, before she jumped up and bolted from the room.

Allen watched her flee with a little smile on his face. She really was trying hard. And not just with her Innocence too.

Then he nearly got bowled over again as Lavi threw himself at him. "It worked! It worked! Did you see that, Allen? It worked! My plan worked, muhahahahaha!"

"Lavi-!" With a growl of effort, Allen _twisted_… and sent Lavi flying into the sofa Belle had previously vacated.

_BAM!_

"_Yowch!_"

"Just because Belle let you hug her this one time does not mean others would appreciate the sentiment." Allen deadpanned.

"Aw come on, Allen, no need to be so mean-"

"Uhh, guys?" Both boys looked up to find Lenalee, holding an empty tray of coffee and looking confused. "Belle just ran past me looking redder than a beet. What did I miss?"

"Ohh, nothing," Lavi said airily, waving his hand in the air and looking as smug as a lazy cat- which was a feat, considering he was currently upside down. "Just a man and another of his conquests…" He gave a grunt as he twisted and tried to right himself.

"_Innocence activate!"_

Forgotten in the sofa opposite Lavi, Memory suddenly blazed with life and flew into the air, barely missing Lavi's head.

"WAUGH!" Lavi lost his grip on the sofa and fell back to his upside down position, hitting his head on the floor in the process. "OW!"

Lenalee ducked with a squeak as the Innocence zoomed past her and out the door. Allen turned in time to spot a flash of black hair before the poor, flustered owner fled once again.

Link found them a few minutes later, laughing at Lavi's prone and groaning form on the floor.


	13. Tenth Memory

Lenalee stared at the girl in the mirror, delicate porcelain fingers running through thick black hair. For someone who could very well be a spy, she sure looked soft and frail. "Your hair is so thick," she commented aloud, flashing a bright smile at the girl's reflection.

"Um, yeah." Belle made a sound of agreement, shyly meeting her gaze in the mirror. "S-sorry."

"Whatever are you apologizing for?" Every movement was measured, controlled. Lenalee gently picked up the brush, her expression forming a puzzled, concerned face. Her voice held just the right amount of teasing, amusement and the slightest hint of confusion. She watched every twitch of Belle's lips, every flicker of her eyes away from her own.

"If, uh, it's giving you trouble. My hair." Belle shifted, then stilled. Lenalee could _feel _the urge to fidget thrumming through the girl. "And… everything else." Her voice grew faint.

"Everything else?" Lenalee echoed, her expression only growing more confused. Her hands brushed the other girl's hair with careful precision. Her movements were smooth, the brush gentle, ever so gentle.

Inside, Lenalee felt as cold as steel. If this girl was a threat to her family, she would be the first to take her down.

Fleetingly, she missed the weight of Dark Boots on her feet. But she wasn't useless without them. She _wasn't._

_Numb legs numb hands watching as friends died died died_

"For… being a bother. Borrowing your clothes and… everything." Belle made a weak motion with her hands, as if trying to encompass her words in a single gesture. She glanced at Lenalee in the mirror, then away, biting her lip.

"It's no bother," Lenalee assured her, even as she watched Belle's fingers picking on the hem of her short skirt.

Lenalee remembered that skirt well. Bak had sent it to her as a gift from China a few years ago. While her big brother chewed him out, she'd salvaged it and the matching blouse from the furnace before it burned. Why waste a perfectly good set of clothes?

It didn't fit her perfectly, at least. If it had, she might have burned it anyway.

Belle had been drawn to the kingfisher blue and the subtle gold embroidery like a moth to a flame. Actually trying it on, however, made her shift uncomfortably in a skirt she believed too short and the blouse a little tight. Lenalee assured her that it looked perfect on her, even lending her long white stockings in Lenalee's favored style, ending at her hips. They looked strange over her chubby legs and crooked knees.

"Perfect!" Lenalee had declared, clapping her hands and smiling her special, shining smile.

The more uncomfortable Belle felt, the more unbalanced and vulnerable she'd be.

Vulnerable people made mistakes.

Belle could only smile, shifting nervously on black flats that pinched her feet.

Lenalee hadn't even planned that one. Her feet were simply much smaller than Belle's.

"Lenalee?" She was snapped out of her thoughts by a soft voice and a shy tone.

"Yes?" she asked, weaving black strands through black like a net.

"Are you… braiding my hair?" Belle peered at her through the mirror, tentative, weak. A rush of hatred swelled over Lenalee, a hatred for weakness and uselessness, all reflected in that mirror, accusing her, mocking her. She shoved it back with difficulty.

"Yes, why?" Her tone was mild, questioning. What's wrong with a braid? Do you have something against them? She let the undercurrents of her tone carry the meaning. Belle hesitated, wavering. Deft fingers slipped the strands in and out in a steady rhythm, slowly, steadily, tightening into an inescapable knot.

"Could you… could you please leave it like it was before?"

Lenalee stopped.

Belle looked at her in the mirror, shaking but resolute. Dark watery eyes stared into her own, almost begging, almost overflowing with previously hidden fear and loneliness and despair.

The breath left Lenalee like a silent gasp. Slowly, she let the strands fall from her fingers and unravel. _Alone, all alone in a sea of strangers, please, let me go, let me go home…_

A few brush strokes, and the smooth dark hair returned to its low ponytail, with the sky blue headband back in its proper place. Lenalee sighed, then smiled softly at the girl in the mirror with the relieved face and the teary eyes and the flowing dark hair. A tear fell, only to be quickly erased with the back of a tanned hand. "S-sorry," Belle whispered, rubbing her eyes. Despite it all, Lenalee could see clear streaks running down her cheeks. "It's just, it's all so strange, and I'd rather… I'd rather have something familiar."

"There's no need to apologize," Lenalee's voice was light, the iron bleeding away from her will. She rested her hands on Belle's shoulders, squeezing them comfortingly. Her mind flashed back to a weeping child with bleeding legs tied to a bed. "It's my fault for not remembering. I'm sorry."

If the vulnerable invited suspicion, they also attracted compassion.

_The world is a dark place, _Lenalee mused, finding a handkerchief and passing it to Belle. The teary girl nodded her thanks. _I of all people should know that. It doesn't need more darkness than what it already has._

She gazed at the girl once more, the mysterious girl that had appeared out of nowhere and came crashing into their lives at their most vulnerable moment. It would have been so easy to push her away, to treat her with suspicion and hatred and fear.

Lenalee needed to protect her family. However, if Belle was innocent – _if _she was innocent – then she'd need someone to protect her too.

Belle reminded her so much of what she wanted, but could never, forget.

Lenalee sighed again. "Come on," she said aloud, letting her smile bloom naturally on her lips, softer, more tender. "You wouldn't want to miss dinner, right?"

Belle blinked, as if she somehow felt that something had changed. Then she beamed.

"Right!"


	14. Eleventh Memory

Walking to the cafeteria was a sort of agonizing experience. I was sorely tempted to just kick off Lenalee's black flats and walk around barefoot, but then I would have ruined her pretty white stockings. I tried not to make my mincing steps too obvious. The shoes weren't _that _small… probably just a couple of sizes…

Let's just not think about it.

I was actually surprised she had shoes. Didn't she just run around with her Innocence on her feet before?

Unfortunately, as much as I tried to hide it, Lenalee noticed how each step I took slowly got smaller and smaller.

"Are you alright?" Her face morphed into a worried expression – one that didn't suit her kind face at all, and yet had the look of a well-worn coat.

"Yeah!" I smiled, making my own face look chipper. "Just a bit tired, that's all. It's been a long day."

She stared at me, her unnatural violet eyes stark against her pale skin. I saw her gaze flicker from my face, to my feet, and back again. I didn't let my grin waver one bit.

"You do know that bloodstains show up easily on white cloth?" Lenalee raised an eyebrow, looking pointedly at my shoes.

"Wait, I'm _bleeding_?!" I yelped and glanced down, only to choke on a cry of pain as I stepped back for balance and the slippers cut into my skin again.

"No," Lenalee sighed, kneeling down to grab me by the ankle. "But you will be if you keep wearing these."

"It's fine," I said weakly. "I can handle it!"

Lenalee gave me a smile that was two parts exasperated and one part sad. Something in her expression made me start and my face heat with shame. "It makes no sense to force yourself to keep walking around in these. Just take them off, we can have them replaced later. Maybe something from the Finders' supply can fit you."

I couldn't help the little groan of relief that left my lips as she pulled the slipper off. The cold stone floor was heaven on my burning feet. "Wait… I'll be walking around barefoot?" I realized Lenalee's intention as she pulled off the other shoe as well.

"Do you mind?" She looked up at me, her thin eyebrows furrowing. "Is the floor too cold?"

I shook my head – her stockings were deliciously warm, and felt more like leggings than stockings – but that wasn't what I was worried about. "But what about your stockings? They'll get dirty!" White cloth on dirty floors was a combination that wasn't any better than white cloth and blood. Not to mention the fact that housekeeping was probably the last thing on the Order's mind, considering the multiple cobwebs I've seen on our way around.

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Lenalee straightened, patting her skirt back into place while my – her? – shoes dangled from her other hand. "I have plenty more where that came from, believe me."

"I…" I searched my mind for another protest, but the words trailed away before I could say them. My feet still hurt, but it was infinitely better than when they were crammed into Lenalee's tiny foot size.

Lenalee smiled, brighter this time, in a way that made her eyes squint. Men probably fell all over themselves just to receive that smile, I thought dumbly, unable to look away. _God _was she pretty. "I'm glad you're seeing reason," she said in a much cheerier voice. "It usually takes longer than that to convince the boys to stop posturing and let me handle things."

"…Oh." I said meekly, curling up on myself a little. I'd been acting like the boys? Really? By boys I assumed she meant Allen and the others. Unless there were other boys around that I wasn't aware of?

"Don't be shy." She slung my arm through hers, making me yelp. She patted my arm, already tugging me forward. "Does it hurt?"

Yes? No? It stung, sure, but I could definitely walk, especially with her help. "It's fine, I'm used to walking barefoot," I said instead. It was true, too. Ever since I was a child our house had a rule of 'no shoes allowed upstairs', which kind of extended to 'nobody bothers wearing shoes inside the house'. Soon enough I could walk outside on the pebbly road with no problem- and proudly too. It's even kind of fun.

"Is that why you were barefoot in the Ark?" Lenalee asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Well, technically, I was sleeping before I found myself in the Ark." I smiled sheepishly, tugging on my bangs with my free hand, as if that would hide my face. "But yeah, I can walk barefoot just fine." Technically I wasn't even barefoot.

Lenalee shot me a piercing look. I froze in place, suddenly feeling like there was a cold knife on the back of my neck, ready to slice through. I blinked, and the knife was gone, and Lenalee was gently tugging me forward again. Obediently, I followed, stepping gingerly around the sore spots on my feet but generally making headway.

What on earth was _that?_

It probably didn't take as long as I thought it did for us to make it to the cafeteria. It felt like forever for me, because I had no idea where we were headed. All the hallways looked alike, always made of the same, depressing, gray stone. Walking still hurt, but I learned to ignore it on our way there. Lenalee kept up a constant stream of conversation, pointing out places of interest – "That's the library over there." "_Oh my gosh really?_" – and waving to people I didn't know as we passed by.

I smelled the cafeteria before I saw it. I couldn't really tell what was cooking – there was a buttery scent, for instance, and something that smelled like tomatoes – but my mind just translated everything into _delicious_. Immediately my stomach began to rumble.

Lenalee laughed and led me through a huge set of double doors. I couldn't help but gape as we walked in. The cafeteria was large, about the size of your average food court. The ceiling was high, made up of several different arches in line with the whole ancient-castle-slash-church theme. There were a lot of people there already, most of them in white Finder outfits and some scientist lab coats in the mix. Most of them were adults, and none were as young as Lenalee and me. One thing that _did _catch my attention was a huge pile of dishes a couple of tables away.

…_That should not be physically possible_, I thought, staring at the food pile that could only be Allen. To be frank, the whole thing looked ready to collapse. The pile was at least twice his height! _How _was it not falling over?

"That should be Allen," Lenalee said, following my line of sight. Her voice was a mix of exasperation and fondness.

"How does he do it?" I whispered, feeling as if even the tiniest sound would send all those dishes toppling over in an almighty crash.

"Nobody knows." Lenalee laughed, leading me over to the line for the food. "My brother says it's because of his Innocence. He has to eat a lot in order to make up for all the energy it takes to use it."

"Oh…" Things I already knew, but Lenalee didn't need to know that. I caught Lenalee glance at me, her brow furrowed, but she quickly looked away so I guess it wasn't important.

I bit my lip and squirmed as the line moved forward, trying to imagine what my next interaction would be like. I knew about Jerry and his famous cooking, of course. But how would he look like in person? The manga showed him as a flamboyant, colored man with thick lips and a penchant to talk with sparkles and hearts fluttering all over him, but who said he'd look like what the manga depicted? I mean look at Lenalee. In the anime she had dark green hair, while in the manga her hair shifted from dark green to light purple. But now, looking out of the corner of my eye, I could only see the slightest hint of purple in her dark hair, thanks to the lighting. I guess it made more sense considering her brother had dark blue hair?

This is so confusing.

The line shifted forward. I bit my lip and started to fiddle with the edge of my too-short skirt. Lenalee eyed me from the side but didn't say anything, nodding a greeting instead to some lab coat person I didn't care to identify. I could hear a voice over the din of the kitchen on the other side of the wall. It was a melodic bass, which was actually nice to listen to and-

Lenalee nudged me forward. I gulped and stepped up to the window.

"Oh _my_, why _hello _there!" I bit back a squeak as a large, dark- skinned man peered at me through the window between the grills. He smiled, his white teeth standing out between his thick lips. Were those… sunglasses? And _purple hair?!_ "Ohh, no need to be shy! Is she the girl from the Ark, Lenalee? No one told me she was so cute!" He thankfully changed his attention and focused it on Lenalee, giving me the chance to breathe.

I pressed my hands against my face and muttered a quick _ohmygod_ against my palms before flinging my hands back beside my sides. Hopefully nobody noticed that. And… cute? _Really?_

Lenalee laughed, placing a comforting hand on my back. "Belle, meet Jerry, Head Chef of the Order's European branch. Jerry, this is Belle. Allen and the others found her in the Ark. We're not sure how she got there yet."

"Hello, hello!" Jerry held out his hands. Unsure of what to do, I raised my own, only to yelp as he grabbed it and shook enthusiastically. "Nice to meet you, Belle! Welcome to the Order! I take care of feeding everyone in this place." His chest swelled with pride. He still hadn't let go of my hand.

"N-nice to meet you," I managed to say, fighting to hide my discomfort with everything I had. I managed a smile.

Jerry cooed, finally letting go of my hand only to clap his together and press them against his cheek. "My, you certainly _are _adorable. What can I get for you today, honey?"

"Um…" I glanced around, looking for a menu. Guessing what I was looking for, Jerry tutted, flapping a hand dismissively.

"There's no menu around here. I can cook whatever you want! So just say the words, dearie." He smiled, in a gentle, comforting way that felt completely out of place of his exuberant personality. It startled me out of my embarrassed state, at the very least.

"Well…" I tilted my head up, trying to think. Memories rose unbidden of beef _bulalo _and fish _sinigang_, served in steaming hot bowls at a table filled with silent love. I blinked, and shook my head, banishing the thoughts. This was _not _the time to burst out sobbing, especially in a public place like this! I smiled weakly at Jerry. "Maybe you could… surprise me? I mean, it's like when someone asks for your favorite book-"

Bless Jerry, he didn't even bother letting me finish that sentence. I probably would have ended up babbling and looking like an idiot. As it was, he let out a loud gasp and an excited… noise (well, it _wasn't _a squeal per se) and clapped his hands. "Oh, honey, I know _just _the thing!" He turned around and began barking orders at the other chefs, moving away from the window. Curious, I peeked through the grills to look at the kitchen.

It was bigger than I expected, though that was probably pretty stupid considering they fed an entire castle full of people. It looked like your average restaurant kitchen, only redone in bricks and stones. There were flaming ovens, counters for chopping and dicing, and… wait a minute, were those refrigerators? And _stoves_? In the _eighteenth century_?

"Aaaaand here we are!" I jerked back, startled, only to find Jerry back with a plate heaped in steaming, orange food. So fast?! "Khao Pad, just like they do it in Thailand!" He pushed forward the plate, letting me see the orange rice heaped with shrimp – was that chicken? – along with other vegetables, all arranged on a banana leaf. "Well?" Jerry leaned over, resting his elbows on the counter and his hands under his chin. "Did I guess right?"

"What?" I blinked in confusion. Jerry didn't seem to mind, only getting more excited. He looked like he was practically swinging his feet, there.

"Did I guess right? Are you Thai?" He tilted his head, a happy smile on his face as he reminisced. "I've been to Thailand. It's a beautiful place. The people were very nice, and the food was exquisite!"

"Oh." I couldn't help it; my face fell a little. I smiled wistfully down at the… did he call it cow pad? "Sorry… I'm not Thai." I grabbed the sides of the tray and tried to give Jerry a better smile. "But thanks… Mr. Jerry."

"Oh, shush, it's just Jerry." He flapped his hand again, only this time his expression looked a bit more… melancholic. Regretful. "Well!" He clapped his hands, and he was back to the lively man I was introduced to. "I'll just have to keep guessing, won't I?"

He sure looked gleeful at the thought. I couldn't help but smile more truthfully at that. "Sure. Thank you."

"It was no problem, dear." Somehow, I felt like he meant every word. I think that's what made my smile stay on as I waited for Lenalee to get her own order, before we moved on to Allen's table.

The closer we got though, the more it faltered. The memory of the Fourteenth and the whole fiasco in the Ark filled my feet with lead and my heart with dread. What would Allen say? What if he asked me in front of everybody? What would _I _say?

"Hello Allen," Lenalee greeted cheerfully, setting her food tray down across from him. I placed my food beside hers, eyeing the flying bits of food warily. The monstrous chomping noises lessened. A white head poked out the side of the pile of dishes, while a fluff of yellow continued to chew on a piece of beef.

Allen swallowed, clearing his puffed out cheeks before speaking. "Hello, Lenalee, Belle," he replied with a smile, before disappearing behind the plates once more. The chomping noises rose in volume again.

I didn't realize I was gaping until Lavi snickered. "Yep, he's really like that."

"AUGH!" Shock almost made Jerry's cow pad fly into the air. Lavi burst out laughing, even having the audacity to point at me as he did. Turns out I had sat across him without even realizing it – and the brown-haired woman from the hospital wing too. She offered me a hesitant smile. I gave her a shy one back, my face burning from embarrassment still.

Lavi noticed our little exchange. "Oh! Belle, this is Miranda Lott. She's an Exorcist like us. Miranda, this is Annabelle dela Cruz, the girl from the Ark." I tried not to twitch at that.

"H-hello," Miranda whispered, shrinking into herself a bit. I was a bit surprised to see that her eye bags weren't as bad as they were depicted in the manga. I was kind of glad, though. That would have been disturbing in real life.

But man, Miranda was _so_ pretty! Her brown hair was really wavy, and a bit of a mess even in a ponytail, but it looked more like the kind of mess that was intentional. Her eyes were round, even doe-like, and the way she tilted her head down only emphasized her lashes when she looked up at you.

Not that she had to look up at me. Even sitting and shrinking into herself, she still didn't have to make any special effort to look me in the eye – not for lack of trying, mind.

Now that was depressing.

"Hello, earth to Belle? Beeeeelle!" I blinked, then jumped back with a squeak from Lavi's hand waving in front of my face. He only laughed, pulling it back. "What on earth were you thinking about?"

"Sorry, sorry, I was just thinking about how beautiful she was-" I slapped my hands over my mouth, horrified at the slip.

"M-Me? B-b-_beautiful_?" Miranda pointed at herself, looking just as horrified at the thought. I nodded, my face burning as hot as Jerry's ovens. "B-b-b-b-but I-I'm n-not b-b-beautiful! I'm absolutely terrifying! P-P-people told h-horror stories about m-me back home! I look _horrible!_"

"Wha- No you're not!" Shock drove me past my muteness. "That's not true! You're really, really pretty, I mean your hair is gorgeous, and you've got the whole doe- eyed look going for you-"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Miranda shrieked, covering her head with her arms.

I jumped, slapping my hands over my mouth again. "Sorry, sorry, sorry, I didn't mean it, I mean, I didn't mean to distress you, did I say something wrong?"

At this point Lavi was practically howling with laughter, nearly dipping his face in his own food as he struggled to breathe. Even Lenalee was giggling beside me. I buried my face in my hands and tried to fight my growing embarrassment. _This _is what I get for being too high-strung. Miranda was still babbling in a string of unintelligible 'sorry's and denials.

"Tut, tut, dear. Haven't I been telling you the exact same thing ever since you arrived here?" Jerry came to the rescue, bringing a steaming plate of what looked like an _entire roast chicken _to the table. My mouth began to water at the sight, even if I hadn't even tasted my own food yet. Too bad he placed it down beside Allen, where it was immediately snatched off the plate and eradicated from the face of the earth before you could say "bingo".

"It's alright, Miss Miranda. I agree with Belle." Allen smiled brightly, somehow managing to say all that and still finish the entire chicken. _How is that possible?!_

"But but but but-" Miranda gave up, hunching her shoulders and staring at her plate, her pale skin redder than her spaghetti. Jerry caught my eye and gave a thumbs up, making me blush too.

"Man, you sure know how to introduce yourself," Lavi snickered, wiping away a few tears. I shot him my best glare.

"Shut up…" I mumbled, poking at my food.

"Don't mind him." Lenalee laughed lightly, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "That was very kind of you."

I hunched my shoulders. "I was just telling the truth…" Miranda made an odd choking noise. "I'm sorry!" I squeaked, making Lavi burst out laughing all over again.

"I can't… believe… we managed… to find someone… like Miranda…" At this rate, he was going to fall off his seat and die of asphyxiation.

"I said shut up!" I wailed.

Someone coughed. "If I may interrupt…"

With a start, we all turned to see a blond boy standing stiffly by our table in a ridiculous and uncomfortable looking uniform. Puffy sleeves made his shoulders look unnaturally broad, and his high eyebrows only served to emphasize the sharpness of his eyes. In his hands was a box that, upon closer inspection, revealed… a cake. We stared.

He turned to Allen. "My name is Inspector Howard Link. I have been instructed to keep watch over you starting today. I baked this cake in anticipation of a positive working relationship." He held out the box. "Please help yourself."

And just like that, the mood of the table dropped faster than a pile of bricks.

So did Allen's fork- straight for Link's cake.

"Oh, it's my pleasure!"

I slapped my hand over my face.


	15. Twelfth Memory

_**I remembered those silver eyes, trembling in the night  
>The night that you were born, shining brightly like a star<strong>_

I hadn't realized I was awake until I found myself staring at a stone-bricked ceiling, my ears straining for something I couldn't remember.

I blinked, trying to dig through my mind. What had I been dreaming about? It was important, that much I knew for sure. Like the color white… or was it dark?

Wait. Where was I?

I sat up so fast I almost pulled a muscle in my back. I winced as my surroundings wavered, then settled, my head complaining about the sudden movement when it always took me half an hour to even get out of bed back home. I looked around, taking in my surroundings with care and a hint of nervousness.

First things first: Where are my glasses?

There was a wooden beside table (drawer?) next to the bed I was sitting on. A little squinting and patting around revealed my glasses, sitting on top, along with… a bowl, a pitcher of water, and a face towel.

That looked eerily familiar.

With my sight restored, I looked around and studied the ominous, gray stone surrounding me. The room was fairly small and plain, with a – there was no other word for it – a wardrobe made of a dark, reddish wood in a corner, and a chair, a pile of sky blue clothes hanging half- hazardly off the back.

That's when I remembered- I was in the Order, in the D. Gray- man world, during the eighteenth century, and surrounded by characters from fiction without any way to get back home.

My morning turned depressing very quickly after that.

I glanced through the window behind me and squinted, half- expecting a sunny welcome to the day. Of course, I forgot I was in gloomy, cloudy Europe. The sky was covered in clouds the color of ash, hiding the sun entirely from sight. This meant that I had woken up out of my own body clock, and not from the sunny greeting I was used to.

I got up and seriously considered just walking around in my nightgown again. Lenalee had left in a rush last night after Link showed up at the table, muttering some excuse about talking to her brother. That left me with only two sets of clothing, and stockings that almost looked like they ended in slippers- they were that dirty.

With a sigh, I grabbed Lenalee's clothes and began to change. Lavi had been kind enough to help me find a place to stay last night, after Lenalee left and Allen got dragged away by Link. Miranda had enthusiastically agreed to lend me a pair of her extra dress shoes as well. I decided not to tell her they were a tad bit too big for fear of another round of 'sorry's being tossed back and forth.

At least they were ankle high button up boots, which meant they wouldn't slip off easily. I put them on now, marveling a bit at the design. I've seen plenty of Chinese styled clothing in my time, but 18th century European shoes were a whole different story.

They were stiffer than they looked.

Finally done, I opened the door and peeked at the hallway outside. Two nights taking up space in the hospital wing because everyone was too busy to give me a place to go, and now I was stuck without any idea of _where_ to go.

Hesitantly, I stepped outside, shutting the door behind me. My boots made a soft clunking sound against the bare stone floor.

I _think_ Lavi mentioned that this room was in the dorm area for the female Exorcists. I tried to peer further down the hall. Aaaand there was nobody around. What time was it, anyway? It's not like my room had a clock… and my body clock's about as reliable as a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. It felt early to me, at the very least. I don't think I slept well at all…

I took a step forward, and another, and another. My footsteps sounded loud in the large, empty hall. I bit my lip and weighed the pros and cons of knocking on a door. I mean, if this was the Exorcists' area, I should know the people in here, right? Maybe I could come across, I dunno, Miranda, or Lenalee…

I tried to imagine knocking on a door, only to find a sleepy- eyed Lenalee or a half- asleep Miranda. I immediately felt my heart leap in my throat at the thought. I shook my head. Nope, nope, nope! Not gonna bother them, nuh uh! I can carry through on my own…

…right?

I looked around one last time and found the hallway as deserted as it was three minutes ago. The doors were all facing each other, with one large window at the end of the hallway. Electric lights lit the place up, a shocking contrast to the medieval feel of the stone bricks. At least it wasn't dark and creepy, a sure thing without the lights, if the gloomy sky outside the window had anything to say about it.

Maaaaybe I should just go back inside my room. Someone will come for me sooner or later, right? I mean, if I tried to walk around by myself, I would get lost for sure. My memories of the route last night were a blur, and the walls looked similar enough that anyone new to the place would have a hard time getting around.

At the very least, it was better than standing frozen in the middle of the hallway.

Feeling miserable, I shuffled back to my door and reached for the handle.

"Ah, _there_ you are!"

"_EEK!_" I shrieked, jumping what felt like ten feet in the air and nearly toppling over. Large shoes weren't usually good for the balance.

"Is this going to be a regular thing now?" I whirled around to find Lavi, crossing his arms and looking very amused at my reaction. "You always screaming when I greet you?"

"I would stop screaming if you stopped sneaking up on me!" I groaned and slapped my hands over my face, almost smashing my glasses into my eyes. Owch.

"I wasn't sneaking up on you!" Lavi's single eye widened, the corners of his mouth turning down into a barely visible pout. He looked the very picture of innocence. "I was walking like a perfectly normal person. It's not my fault you're not aware of your surroundings."

I opened my mouth to argue, closed it, then gave up with a wordless growl. Lavi snickered. "Anyway, I came here to pick you up for breakfast. I bet you don't know your way around yet, right?"

I considered screaming _YES GOD BLESS YOU _and bursting into tears of joy, but then that would just make Lavi laugh at me more. "Yeah, thanks," I tried to say casually instead. I couldn't help the relieved slump to my shoulders though- and if the way Lavi's eye tracked the movement he totally knew it too. He flashed me a crooked grin that would probably make girls eat out of his hand, if he wasn't such a pervert. I fought my blush down and tried to hide it by rubbing my nose. Ugh, _boys. _Hormones. _Feelings_. Gross.

"Come on then!" Looking ever as cheerful, Lavi threw his arm over my shoulders – _again! _– and tugged me forward. I squeaked and scrabbled against his grip, trying to slip away.

"Lavi _let me go!_" Oh my god was he _heavy. _I managed to contort my body in some weird s shape, swiveled around, and twisted out of his grip. "I can walk by myself!" I lamented in silence over my way-too-high voice.

"Fine, fine." He didn't look the least bit perturbed, placing both hands behind his head instead. "But you better hurry, or else Allen will eat his way through all the food!"

"There is no way." Lavi glanced at me over his shoulder, his expression hidden by his arm. Suddenly I felt that weird, cold feeling again- the same feeling I got yesterday from Lenalee. My footsteps stuttered, and then the feeling was gone, so fast I could have imagined it.

"Your accent sure is strange. I haven't heard that kind of English dialect before. Where did you learn it?" Lavi asked. I ducked my head, fighting the sudden fear curling inside my stomach. _Stay calm stay calm stay calm stay calm-_

"What do you mean, dialect?" I asked, in a pathetic attempt to stall. He shrugged.

"You have a different way of speaking English. Sometimes you use words in a way that's completely different from the way I would use them. Some of the words you use are foreign to me too." He gave me a wide smile. "I'm just curious."

I chewed on my lip, tapping a finger against it as I thought over what to tell him. _Oh hey I'm from a different dimension that happens to be a few hundred years ahead into the future so my lingo is different from yours oh and by the way there's this book there called D. Gray-man and- _I shook my head, breaking out of the rapidly descending spiral to guaranteed hell. Sometimes sarcasm helped but now really wasn't the time.

I decided on the truth. "I learned it in school. English is my second language, if that helps." I wasn't sure how it would, I just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Oh? What's your first language then?" Lavi didn't seem to notice my lapse in thought.

"Err… Tagalog." I doubted that he'd heard of it.

"I haven't heard of that one," he said, looking thoughtful. I bit back a wry and slightly bitter smile.

"I didn't expect you to." I ducked ahead of him into the staircase he seemed to be headed for, bounding down to the bottom then looking around, as if to search for something. "So where to next?" I asked, in what was probably the worst attempt at deflection in the history of humankind. I winced, but Lavi only raised an eyebrow.

"The cafeteria is a few hallways down." He shoved one hand in his pockets and gestured the way with the other. "Allen should be halfway done by now."

"Allen?" I couldn't help but perk up at that, even if I was still a bit wary from last night's encounter. He might still ask me about it today… "He's there?"

"That's right." Lavi was giving me that amused face again, making me feel like a silly child. I bit back a pout and forced myself to calm down. I straightened my back and forced my feet into a stately walk. It only seemed to make Lavi smile harder. "He should be eating breakfast with Pimple Face and Gramps."

"Pimple Face?" I gave him a look of dismay. Why on earth would he be so mean as to call a person Pimple Face? For that matter, who could Lavi even call Pimple Fa-

Oh.

"D'you mean Link?" Lavi's eye darted towards me, his gaze suddenly sharp. I blinked, feeling a bit of panic creeping up my back. What did I do _now?_

"Yes, I meant Link." His expression morphed into something more thoughtful, even as he lead the way. Thankfully enough the walk lapsed into silence after that. I fought back my growing nerves and tried to focus on our surroundings instead. Unfortunately, there wasn't much to look at other than gray brick, gray brick, and more gray brick. Don't the people who live here ever get cabin fever?

"Here we are." I blinked and found myself standing in front of the cafeteria. Oops.

"Right!" I laughed sheepishly and darted ahead, walking past the lack of a line and straight up to the window. There weren't a lot of people in the room, compared to last night. Maybe because it was still early?

What time was it, anyway?

"Ahh, Belle! Good morning!" Jerry greeted me, just as enthusiastically as yesterday. I hunched up a bit at the attention, though I couldn't help the hesitant smile creeping across my face. "Did you rest well last night?"

"Good morning," I replied shyly, clasping my hands behind my back. "Yeah, I did." I think. "Thanks."

"Morning Jerry!" Lavi looked like he was back to his cheerful self, giving Jerry a jaunty wave.

"Lavi!" Jerry clapped his hands, his beaming smile never faltering. "Are you having the usual today?"

Lavi leaned on the counter, his face lighting up like a puppy faced with a toy. "Yes please!"

"And you, Belle?" Jerry turned to me, making me jump. "What do you want for breakfast today?"

"Uhh-" I cast my mind about for any ideas, frantically trying to think of a meal without accidentally blurting out something from the 20th century at the same time. "Cereal and milk, please?" I slapped my hand over my mouth. _Wait shit what if cereal doesn't exist yet-_

Jerry pouted. As in a full on, lower-lip-jutting-out-eyes-watering pout. (There were suspicious twinkles at each corner of his sunglasses.) "Cereal and milk? Are you sure? I could make you twenty different kinds of egg if you wanted!"

I quailed. "Sorry…?" It sounded like a question. From a squeaky mouse.

"At least let me add an omelet to that. A growing child like you needs to stock up on protein after all!" Jerry waggled a finger at me.

"Sure?" I wouldn't mind some egg. Then the rest of his words caught up to me. "Wait, I'm not a kid! I'm fifteen!" I bristled, straightening to my full height to emphasize the fact.

Lavi gave me an incredulous look. "_You're _fifteen?" He glanced at me up and down, then raised an eyebrow pointedly. My face heated.

"_JUST BECAUSE I'M SHORT DOESN'T MEAN I'M A KID!_" Lavi burst out laughing as I threw my hands up in exasperation.

"Oh man, you're Allen's age and you're even shorter than him…" He snickered, patting me on the head like I was… Like I was some _kid. _I glared at him. "You barely even reach his chin!"

"I will kick you," I informed him tartly, giving him my best scowl. "I will kick you right now." That only made him laugh harder.

"Well, I'm sorry for the mistake, dear," Jerry spoke up, though he was grinning too. I turned to glare at him, only to gape as he served my food. It hadn't been three minutes! "Here, have a muffin for the trouble."

I glanced at the tray and felt my mouth water at the sight of a choco-chip muffin. "Thanks, Jerry." He looked so sincere I really couldn't stay mad at him. Lavi, I could stay mad at though. The idiot was still snickering under his breath.

"And here's your order, Lavi!" Jerry forked over a tray of what looked like a steaming plate of… meat. Is that beef? Who eats beef for _breakfast_?

"Thanks Jerry!" Lavi grinned, taking the tray. Together, we walked with our trays to Allen's table, easily seen due to the amount of plates and food on it. In front of him sat a small, wizened old man with dark tattoos covering his eyes, and a tuft of gray hair rising from his otherwise-bald head. He raised his head and caught my gaze. His eyes narrowed slightly.

I fought back a shiver and quickly looked away. Bookman was one of the people on the top of my list of Do Not Want To See here in this world. There was no way I'd be able to hide what I knew around a man who had spent more than fifty years uncovering secrets of all kinds. I was having enough trouble trying to hide things from Lavi.

"Ah, good morning Belle!" Allen looked up from his pile of food and beamed, making my face heat up. There was no need to look so _happy _to see me…

"G-good morning!" I cursed my splutter and did my best to smile back just as brightly. It seemed to have worked, because his smile widened before he returned to chomping at his food. Link nodded in greeting as well. I nodded back, feeling a bit awkward. I swear he was supposed to be more talkative than this… I blinked at the food in front of him. "…WaitaminuteisthatCAKE." While the pile wasn't quite as high as Allen's, it was still admirably tall and ignoring the laws of physics. And… gross, some of the cakes were being squished between the plates.

My gaze drifted back to Link, only for me to freeze as he leveled the full power of his striking eyebrows and narrow eyes in a heated glare right at me. "I didn't say I wanted any!" I squeaked, fighting the urge to raise my hands up in defense. Lavi made an odd-sounding noise that almost sounded like choked-off laughter. Link's expression immediately cooled, and he went back to eating his cakes with a tiny fork and the daintiest of bites. I could almost feel the sweat drop forming at the back of my head. How on earth was he even going to finish all that in time?

"Here, Belle, you can sit beside me," Lavi said after finally getting over his attack of the giggles. I did my best to creep past Bookman _without_ looking like I was creeping past Bookman, and set down my tray beside Lavi, who had already sat and begun on his food.

"Thanks." I smoothed out my tiny skirt and sat carefully, as if any sudden moves would attract the attention of everyone on the table. Considering the fact that two were absolute food monsters and the other two were absolute information monsters, I really didn't want to do that. I blinked and glanced around the room. "…Where's Lenalee?" Maybe she didn't hang out with Allen and Lavi as much as I thought she did? Or as much canon implied? But no, they're supposed to be really close… Anyway, there should be no harm in asking when she looked so distressed last night as she ran away.

Lavi shrugged, stabbing his meat with a fork and sawing at it with his knife. "Who knows? I haven't seen her since last night. We can go look for her later, if you want." He looked scarily pleased at the thought of dragging me around like yesterday. "In fact, we can even try visiting Yuu!"

"_Me_?" I spluttered. For some reason, that sends Lavi into another fit of laughter. Feeling the heat crawling up my face, I fervently wished he'd smash his face into his plate.

"He probably meant Kanda." Somehow, in the short amount of time it took for us to cross the room and get settled on the table, Allen had managed to polish off the last of his plates. It's kind of weird to be talking to a guy peeking around an entire stack of kitchenware, but then again I'm talking to a kid with white hair and a mystical scar so I have no right to talk. Remembering my own food, I quickly shoveled a spoonful of cereal in my mouth while keeping my eyes on Allen in a show of attentiveness. "Yuu Kanda is another Exorcist comrade of ours. He was the long-haired man on the Ark, remember?"

I swallowed and nodded, thankful I didn't shovel too much food in my face. "The frowny guy?" Lavi, who looked like he had finally managed to recover, only ended up laughing himself into hysterics again. At this rate he was going to laugh himself into an aneurism.

"Yes. The frowny guy." Allen, for his own part, looked absolutely delighted. I sipped my drink, feeling like I should bow to my audience or something. A smile tugged on my lips. I hurriedly hid it with a glass.

"How have you been adjusting, Miss Cruz?" I tried not to eep and put my glass down before I spilled something. I turned and gave Bookman my best smile. Guilty? Hiding secrets? Nope, not me!

His dark-ringed eyes didn't look very impressed.

"Fine! Just fine, thank you, B- uh, Mister-" I almost swallowed my tongue. His eyes narrowed, making my heart rate ratchet up. _Crap! _Am I even supposed to know who he is? Did anyone mention him to me yet? Or maybe I could just say I heard someone mention it?

"Just Bookman is fine." He tilts his head in a kind of nod and a questioning look at the same time. "Has Komui interviewed you about your special case yet?"

"N-no…" Oh good God, I managed to slip past that one. "I was, uh, supposed to meet him yesterday, I think, but they told me he was busy…"

"You still don't remember how you got into the Ark?" Lavi joined in, looking interested himself. I swallowed, opened my mouth to answer, closed it, and shook my head instead.

"I told you, I was sleeping-" My voice abruptly cut off. A shiver ran down my spine, as if someone had slipped an ice cube down my back. A whirring noise cut through the air, tearing the Bookmen's attention away from me and onto-

Bench legs shrieked against stone as Allen leapt to his feet.

"Allen?" Lavi cried out, standing up even as Allen jumped over the railing beside him and bolted for the door.

"_Akuma!_" And just like that, the atmosphere of the room turned into lead. Allen's yell shattered every conversation, bringing silence faster than a guillotine. "It's coming from the lab where we saw Mr. Reever- _and so many of them!_"

I felt my stomach drop to my feet. Of course. Of _course_. How could I forget? Right after the got out of the Ark, right after they recovered- how could I _forget_?! Black and white sketches of bloodied halls and bodies lying on the ground flashed through my eyes. _How could I forget?!_

It was the Akuma Invasion of the Black Order, and now everyone was going to die. _Because I forgot._

I didn't realize I'd leapt to my feet as well until I scrambled over the railing after him and Lavi. Allen and Lavi used a hand to launch themselves over it, but Bookman didn't even bother, just leaping clean over it and dashing after the two. Link quickly overtook me, and only then did my brain process the fact that I was running _with _a bunch of Exorcists _towards_ the danger. I stumbled, my footsteps stuttering, before I shook my head and focused on trying to keep up. I didn't even have the breath to gasp out a 'wait'.

Turns out, trying to keep up with a bunch of people who fought monsters for a living wasn't something someone of my constitution should bother trying. I ended up falling behind faster than you could say 'slowpoke'. It was only by a loud clanging noise that I even managed to find where they'd gone.

"Out of the way, Lavi!"

Of course, I completely regretted that fact when the moment I turned a corner Allen and Bookman decided to whip out their Innocence and attack the giant, disgusting black wall in the way. I took one look at the green light flaring from their fingertips and decided now was not the time to try to get a glimpse of magic demon killer weapons. I dove back behind the corner.

"_Heaven's Compass!"_

"_Edge End!"_

_BOOM!_ My scream was lost in the noise. Smoke billowed out from the hallway behind me, turning my shriek into a cough. The resulting tremors from the attack sent me staggering to my knees. The very force of it made it seem impossible to think that the barrier blocking the way could stand up to that- but it wouldn't. I knew it wouldn't.

"Mr. Reever's in there… and the rest of the Science Department…!" Allen's despairing cry made me flinch. What do I do? What could I do? If I didn't do anything, all those people would die, and even more would fall under the Level Four Akuma.

The _Level Four Akuma._

I felt the blood drain from my face. I pressed my hand to my face and bit down, fighting the nausea and panic rising like bile up my throat.

I needed to warn them. I _needed to warn them. _The thought of Allen, so shattered that his Innocence had to tie him up to keep him fighting, filled my gut with ice. I remembered the remains of the lab, the flames devouring the corpses while only a handful of injured people were left under the flickering shield of an exhausted woman. I remembered the rows of corpses laid out on the halls, and the written cries of friends who'd lost one of their own.

I needed to warn them.

But who would believe me?

Cross said that the Fourteenth had brought me here for a reason, even if it was a damn stupid reason. What use was being a _fucking cheat code _if there was no one around to take _fucking advantage of it?_

…Cross.

_Cross._

"Lavi, get to the command center. Now!" Bookman's voice cut through my thoughts. I leapt to my feet. I had no idea where the command center was, only that it was the last place I needed to be right now. If Lavi found me sitting here, I doubted he would just let me stay there.

I bolted down the hallway, my footsteps and panting breaths echoing, even as other footsteps faded away behind me. I saw Lavi turn the corner behind me even as I turned the one to my left. "_Belle?_" His shock bounced from the stone walls, but I ignored it and tried to run even faster. There was no way he would waste time trying to chase me down, and that's what I was counting on as I wove my way through hallways I barely knew.

I turned another corner, only to almost crash into a person. "Hey!" The voice was deep, a bit melodic. I doubled over, wheezing from the impact and the impromptu sprint. "Hey, calm down. What's a girl like you running around here for?" Large hands braced me by the shoulders, keeping me from falling on my face.

"C… Cross…" I struggled to get the words out between gasps for breath. "Need… to see Cross…"

"General Cross? Cross Marian? He's not allowed visitors, _bambini._" The man pulled back, letting me see his olive arms for the first time. I could almost hear the frown on his voice as he studied my sweating face. "Wait a minute, are you…?"

"_Akuma._" The grip on my shoulders tightened until they ached from the pain. I bit back a whimper and focused on it, trying to ground myself, control my breathing and _speak. _"Akuma… with the scientists! Have to-"

"You're sure?" It's a woman's voice, now. I nodded frantically, as if nodding faster would make them believe me. Looking up, I found myself in the hands of a lanky, dark-haired man and a woman who could only be described as icy, from her pale blonde bun to her hard blue eyes. She swore, and then the man was pulling me up straight and the woman was turning to leave. "Nico, you warn the Generals, I'll get to the command center and warn them!" She ran off, too fast for me to tell her Lavi was already at the job.

"Alright, _bambini_, run and find somewhere safe to hide, alright? The hospital wing will take you-" I was grabbing onto the man's arm before I could even think, my body seizing up at the thought of being left behind.

"_No!_" The vehemence in my voice was enough to halt him just for a second. "I need- I need to talk to Cross! I have to tell him something!"

Way to announce _Suspicion Person Here!_ to the world, but there was no time for me to dodge around when people were dying or already dead. The man's eyes narrowed, but he didn't argue, thank God, only shifting his arm and pushing me forward. "Well then, come on!"

I didn't know how long we ran or where to. I was too busy thanking my lucky stars that I actually bumped into someone who knew where to go, and prayed that I would make it in time. The man led me down a series of hallways and a flight of stairs before we saw the guarded doors in the distance.

Right. Fuck me. Cross was under house arrest. Good God.

"Hey! This place is off-limits!" one of the guards barked. I braced myself for another round of explanations and wasted time, but the man barged ahead of me.

"Akuma in the fifth lab. We need to see the General right now!"

"Akuma?" The guards looked at each other. One looked incredulous, his pebble-sized eyes going wide, while the other turned the color of egg pudding. "Are you su-"

"Oh for _Pete's sake-!_" I screeched, stamping my foot. The guards' attention snapped to me. I would have probably faltered then, and even manage to get embarrassed about the foot-stamping, but Cross chose that moment to slam the doors open and interrupt whatever was going to happen next.

"General, you're not allowed to leave your room!" Pebble Eye tried to protest, but Cross acted like he didn't even hear him. A blonde woman shot him a glare as she followed Cross out the door. I heard a hissing noise. He shut up pretty fast after that.

I couldn't exactly see what was happening on that end because I was too busy being stared down by Cross. I stumbled back as the towering redhead of a man strode up to me without even hesitating. I tried to open my mouth to say something, anything, but somehow my voice lost all power in the face of Cross Marian's one-eyed glare. "I- _WHAT THE F-" _ The word cut off with a squeak as all the air whooshed out of my lungs. That _motherfucker _just snagged me around the waist and threw me over his shoulder!

"_WHAT THE HELL?_" I yelled, slamming my fists against his back even as he broke into a run. "Put me _down!_"

"Stop struggling before I drop you," he rumbled in his low baritone. I stopped, but not because he told me to. I discovered that there was no way to punch the man while pushing myself and my tender stomach away from his bobbing shoulder at the same time.

"Cross, what the hell are you doing?" The woman who was with him in the room demanded, keeping pace behind us. "Whatever it is, this isn't the time!" I craned my neck to look at her. My eyes immediately landed on the white monkey on her shoulder, bristling and spitting like a cat. Oh shit. That was Lau Shimin, or whatever the monkey Innocence was called. This lady was one of the other Generals!

"If I wanted to bring her for her ass, Klaud, I would much rather admire yours," he said without breaking stride. I punched him extra for that. Either he ignored me or didn't notice. Probably the latter, considering punching him felt like punching a _rock._

"What do you want from me?" I hissed, choosing anger over the shame of feeling my short _goddamn _skirt riding up my, yes, my ass!

"Shut up." I spluttered in indignation. Cross ignored me, looking over his other shoulder at his comrade. "Klaud, you get the others and warn them. I'll go ahead."

Klaud Nine – that was her name, right? – eyed me suspiciously, but barked an affirmative and went a different way. She must really trust Cross to swallow her questions about him carrying an ordinary looking girl to what was essentially a battlefield.

"I swear, if you don't put me down _right now-_"

"Shut up and tell me what's going to happen!" Cross snapped. My mouth snapped shut, and it wasn't because of his bounding pace this time.

Right. Right. What's going to happen. Because I _knew what was going to happen._

I could stop it. I could stop it!

First things first-

"The entrance to the Lab is blocked off," I gasped, fighting to catch my breath with the dizzying sensation of being carried over a shoulder at a dead run. "You gotta… you gotta go through the Ark!"

Cross swore, and took a sharp turn. I squeaked and did my best to hold on, to the little handholds I had.

What else? "Umm. Akuma, inside. Hordes of them." I searched my mind for any memories of the fight. All I could remember was monsters, gore, and the Level Four smashing its way to the Innocence in Hevlaska."And a Noah! The, uhh, crap-" I wracked my brains for any information on her. "The shape shifter lady, Noah of Lust, I think?!"

"Lulu Bell." Cross growled and started to run even faster. I had to pause and catch my breath, trying not to get dizzy.

"Right," I said weakly. I bowed my head, letting my ponytail hang over my face as I focused on just holding on and telling him what I knew. "Uhh, the Egg! They're after -"

"-the Akuma Egg. Can't you tell me something I don't already know?" The anger in his voice made me flinch. I bit my lip until the pain had tears prickling at the corner of my eyes. That was unfair. He didn't have to talk to me like that!

"You need to kill all the Akuma-ah!" I bit back a whimper as Cross leapt up a set of stairs, jostling me until I was sure my stomach would bruise.

"No shit!"

"Shut up!" I yelled, craning my neck to look at him and only got a view of his mask for the effort. "You don't understand! One of the Akuma is supposed to evolve into a Level Four! This is the first time you're going to meet one, and if you don't kill it before it evolves it's going to massacre almost everyone in the castle!"

There was a blessed pause of silence as Cross absorbed that information. "Is that it?" he said at last.

I searched my mind. "Y-yeah, I think so- _AHH!_" I shrieked as the same arm that held me in place picked me up and threw me to the side. The air whooshed from my lungs as I landed hard on the cold, stone floor. "What-!" I wheezed, looking up, but Cross was already ahead, his long black cloak flying behind him and his hair swirling above.

"Go to the hospital wing," he ordered even as he ran. "Your job here is done. You'll only get in the way!"

And just like that, he was gone, leaving me kneeling on the ground and staring after him openmouthed. "Wait-" I staggered to my feet, but the words died in my mouth.

_You'll only get in the way._

I leaned against the wall, holding my sides as I tried to catch my breath through bruised muscle. I wanted to scream my denial, I wanted to cry out wait, wait, _wait! _But why? What was the point?

_You'll only get in the way._

Of course. Of course. How could I forget? How could I forget?

Even if I had started feeling useful… even if I thought I was finally making a difference…

I was an intruder. A foreigner.

I was never a part of this story in the first place.

I bowed my head and clamped a hand over my mouth, fighting the sobs clawing their way up my throat.

So why did it feel like my heart was being crushed to pieces?


	16. Thirteenth Memory

"Hey, if it isn't our lovely Belle!" Grinning at his own pun, Lavi swung his legs over the bench and sat next to their new comrade. She eyed him with an exasperated look, but focused on chewing her mouthful first. Lavi eyed her sparse breakfast – a banana, a glass of milk, and a bottle of water – and raised an eyebrow. Belle enjoyed her meals with the kind of gusto that made Jerry's eyes shine with happy tears. Once her metabolism increased enough to keep up with her newfound Innocence, Lavi suspected she might even make it to Jerry's list of favorite customers.

"What's with the food?" He waved at her tray, letting the sagging banana speak for itself.

Belle scowled at her tray, as if hating the reminder. Stuffed cheeks, and furrowed eyebrows… it was _adorable. _Lavi had to fight the urge to laugh. Oblivious to his amusement, she swallowed, then said, "General Nyne told me not to eat a lot for breakfast today. It's my first day of training," she added to clarify.

"Is that so?" Both of them looked up to find Allen and his ever-present shadow standing next to their table. Allen smiled, his eyes softening at the edges and the curve of his lips lighting up the early-morning gloom.

Belle and Lavi both smiled in reply, Belle's expression brightening immensely while Lavi's greeting was more of a jaunty grin. "Allen!" Belle greeted with joy. "Good morning!"

"Good morning," the white-haired boy returned. His smile didn't falter at all, even as he and Link started transferring plates to the table from the two trolleys they were using. "I wish you luck for today. General Nyne knows what she's doing, so you don't have to worry. She didn't get that title for nothing." His gaze turned thoughtful, probably thinking of his own Critical Point Break. Despite the incident, no one had made mention of granting him the title of General anytime soon. Privately, he thought it was because of his status as the Fourteenth, but he forced himself to remember that there could be other factors in it too…

"Thanks…" Belle's beam shrank into a grimace as forgotten nerves came back with a vengeance. She poked her banana, letting the peel splay out on the plate like a dead body. Suddenly, she didn't feel so hungry anymore.

"Why the long face?" Joining them this time was Lenalee, looking gorgeous in an emerald-green dress embroidered with flowing lotus vines. She'd added a small ornament to her hair, loops of red flowering around a point, and a couple of red strings dangling freely from the bottom. Even Allen paused from his feeding for the moment, wide gray eyes taking in her appearance. Belle's eyes were practically _sparkling. _Lenalee was always a sight to behold.

"It's Belle's first day of training today," Lavi explained, raking his own appreciative gaze over the Lee sister. "I think she's _nervous..._" He grinned cheekily and elbowed Belle, letting his voice rise in a teasing trill.

"Shut up." Belle scowled and elbowed him back, pink dusting her cheeks. She pushed him to the side for good measure, forcing him to shuffle over with her to make space for Lenalee.

Lenalee gifted them with a grateful smile, taking the seat with a dancer's grace. Or maybe it was just Lenalee being Lenalee. "There's no need to be nervous," she consoled the younger girl. "I'm sure General Nyne knows you haven't done anything like this before. You wouldn't be the first nobleborn girl she's taught."

Belle stared at her, dark eyes wide with bewilderment. "…I'm not nobleborn?" It sounded like a question.

This time, all three Exorcists stared at her, with even Link sparing some attention for the proceedings. "You're not?" Allen said in surprise.

"No…?" Belle glanced between them, nervousness and confusion warring on her face. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

The three senior Exorcists shared a look. Several things, actually. For one, her hands – they were too soft, and lacked any calluses that would signify familiarity with hard work. Another was her lack of strength and stamina, something that could be attributed to staying indoors and riding in carriages to destinations. Her discomfort with friendly touching and meekness around the unfamiliar could be due to a protected upbringing just as much as it could be due to her personality. Belle didn't like talking about her past, and the three knew better than to push. So they formed assumptions of their own.

"Just a guess," Lenalee said smoothly, carrying the conversation away from what could have been an awkward silence complete with staring and untouched food. (Except for Allen maybe, who didn't stop putting food into his mouth even as he blinked at his companions.) "Either way, General Nyne knows how to treat those who aren't familiar with combat or stress. You'll be fine."

"Okay." Belle didn't look convinced, but at least the tension eased away from her shoulders. "Thanks, Lenalee." Her lips twisted, then flattened, as she tried to smooth her expression into something neutral. Recognizing her habit of hiding her discomfort, Lavi nudged her again, ruining her efforts and making her glare at him. He beamed, then snickered as she sighed and rolled her eyes. She spoke, though, thanks to his wordless prompting. "I just… I'm not good with strangers," she confessed to her sprawled banana, hunching her shoulders over her ears.

"We noticed," her friends chorused with mirroring grins. She pouted at them, but couldn't help laughing as well.

"Why don't we go with you?" Lavi offered, his grin widening as his mind caught on the idea and elaborated it into a brilliant web that sparkled in his mind's eye. "There's no way you'll feel nervous if the three of us are there to laugh at you when you trip." He ducked under Belle's retaliating swat and cackled.

"You just want to slack off your own work!" Belle accused, the twitch in her lips signifying her losing battle with her amusement.

"Harsh lady, it is not so! You pain me with your cruel words!" Lavi protested, hand over his heart and green eye wide and pleading. This time even Allen and Lenalee laughed, as Belle managed to land a smack to his shoulder. Allen didn't miss the snort Link tried to hide in his food. He smiled at the young inspector, who merely sniffed and stabbed his pie with his fork._ Nothing to see here, nothing to hear. I'm just eating food._

Allen had to cover his mouth to hide his smile. It was good to see Link relaxing, even just a little. Being followed around by someone with such a fierce expression was bad for his mood.

"It's a great idea though," Lenalee spoke up, mirth still adding a twinkle to her eyes. "You and Allen should go."

Belle blinked, jaw mashing at the last of her banana. She swallowed with difficulty, trying to get her words out. "You aren't going?" she managed to say. Lenalee shook her head.

"I've been helping brother out a lot recently. We've been studying the Crystal Innocence and-" She glanced at the clock, and began to eat faster. "I actually have to go, I should have been there by now. I hadn't meant to linger…" She shot them an apologetic look, rising to her feet. "You should go! It'll be good moral support for Belle. Especially you, Allen," she added, addressing the white-haired teen. He blinked at her, mouth still pursed around a spoon. "You've been working too hard. It'll be good for you to take a break. …And Link too, I suppose." Lenalee's voice turned cold, even as she added Link as an afterthought. Belle and Allen glanced at each other. Apparently, Lenalee had yet to forgive Link for essentially spying on one of her precious people, not to mention his loyalty to the man she hated and feared.

"What about _me_?" Lavi whined, putting his chin in his hands. His lone green eye was bright with tears and as mournful as a funeral. "I work hard too!"

Lenalee giggled and gathered up her tray. "Whatever you say, Lavi." She laughed outright at his wounded expression. "Goodbye, everyone, and good luck Belle! Tell me all about it later!" And with that, she hurried off, long, slim legs eating up ground in smooth, easy strides. More than three pairs of eyes watched her go with envy and longing.

"_Vera incessu patuit dea_." Lavi sighed, leaning back with his hands behind his head and the contented smile of a man looking upon a work of art on his face. Belle and Allen just looked at him in confusion. "'The goddess walks in constant truth'," he translated.

"Virgil," Link murmured, to the surprise of everyone on the table. He sniffed, full of disdain for the ignorant buffoons sharing his company – meaning Allen and Belle, who _still _looked confused.

"I feel like I should know that name," Belle said slowly, eyeing the two literates with wariness. Lavi ticked off another bullet point in their 'above-class upbringing' list: educated.

"You should," he said. He stretched his arms over his head before dropping them and going back to his food. "He wrote the _Aeneid_."

Belle's eyes lit up with recognition. "That's the story about Troy!"

"That would be the _Iliad, _by Homer," Link corrected. He wiped his lips and put away his utensils, the humongous pile of empty plates in front of him contrasting with his flawless decorum. "The _Aeneid _tells the story of Aeneas, who flees from Troy and founds the city that would one day become the great city of Rome. The line Lavi just quoted came from the scene where Venus visits her son, Aeneas, in disguise. But though she changed her face, it was the grace of her gait that revealed that she was, in fact, a goddess."

Silence reigned over their little table, while the rest of the cafeteria chattered on. The remaining Exorcists on the table looked at each other in bewilderment. That was the most words they'd heard out of Link that weren't about work or propriety.

"They sure teach you a lot, huh..." Belle said at last, her eyebrows still raised. It was as if her face didn't know what expression to put on yet. "Wherever you come from, at least."

"'Their' education is very thorough," Link said primly, his own eyebrow rising in a much more impressive arch. Scarily impressive, even. The dots on his forehead seemed to enhance his disdain like the red eyes shining in the dark. Belle had to bite back a squeak. "Virgil and Homer, however, were not part of it. Curiosity led me to peruse classics in my spare time, though my preference will always be books on gastronomics."

"Gastro…?" Allen trailed off, looking lost.

"He means cookbooks," Belle whispered loudly. Allen choked. Lavi didn't even bother holding in his laughter. Link just glared at them all, looking peeved.

"I do not see what is so amusing about my preference for _cookbooks_," Link said with a voice as stiff as the crisp lines on his _ridiculous_ uniform.

"Oh, no, no! I think it's great! Learning about food is _awesome_, there is never too much food, don't worry about it!" Belle was quick to assure him. She was just as quick to shoot a glare at Allen and Lavi, one who was fighting to keep his composure and the other given up on it completely. Seeing Belle's scrunched-up-squirrel scowl and Link's fierce arrowing disapproval just made both boys laugh harder.

"Well if you two are gonna keep laughing, _Link and I-"_ She stressed the words, even as she grabbed the blonde boy and tugged him to his feet with her. "-are _leaving. _Or I'm going to be late too. Good bye, Allen, Lavi." She sniffed and marched off, dragging Link behind her.

"Wait- wait!" Lavi gasped, trying to catch his breath. He and Allen took one look at Link's alarmed expression – and just burst out laughing all over again.

"Oh God, _I can't breathe-!_"

* * *

><p>Despite her huffy strut away from breakfast, by the time Belle made it to the training area (Lavi, Allen, and Link in tow... the former two having <em>finally <em>recovered) she was practically quivering with nerves. She clutched Memory to her like a drowning man lost at sea. The expression on her face as she walked towards her new teacher looked like the kind of expression that would be better found on the way to the gallows.

Allen eyed her rigid posture. It was too soon for her to have her own Exorcist uniform, as Johnny hadn't even finished designing it yet. But the hardworking scientist was as great a miracle worker as ever, and had managed to find Belle some clothes for her training. She had traded her usual dresses for a simple pair of pants and a sleeveless turtleneck. Her hair was in its everyday ponytail-and-headband combo, and someone had managed to find her a good pair of serviceable boots. He watched her push her glasses back up her nose and wondered how she was going to work around that when the time came.

His eyes wandered to the book she cradled in her hands. It was strange how only five days ago Belle had rejected her Innocence with everything she had. He remembered the moment the realization struck her, fear creeping over her face like a shadow, even in the face of the soft glow of her Innocence synchronizing with her. He remembered how hard she'd thrown the book to the ground and how fast she'd run away, how worried everyone was outside her closed door… a worry that went beyond concern for the fear of a teenage girl. Because if she did not accept her Innocence, it would…

And now her fingers were stark against the dark leather of the cover from the force of her hold.

_Maybe she has nothing better to hold on to, _a small voice in the back of his mind whispered. He shook his head, trying to clear the cobwebs from his thoughts. Link shot him a suspicious look, so he forced himself to smile as disarmingly as he could at the man. It only made Link frown harder, but that was his normal reaction so Allen let it pass.

A few people were already present at the training ground when they arrived. The Order gossip vine was a fearsome thing, Allen reflected. And if there was one thing people liked to gossip about, it was the Exorcists – particularly, in this case, the first new one after the Noah Massacre. Still, few people were brave enough to intrude on an Exorcist training session, so there was plenty of space for Allen and company to find a place to watch from. Belle didn't seem to appreciate the space; from the looks of it, seeing the strangers hanging around made her stiffen all the more.

Waiting for them at the edge of the sand-covered training arena was General Nyne. The woman stood tall against a column, her gaze turned somewhere distant as she caressed a small creature on her shoulder. Lau Shimin watched her attentively, listening to her soft whispers as she tickled his chin.

"Um…" Belle's meek plea for attention turned the tall woman around, brown eyes piercing through her without hesitation. The angry scar crossing her face only served to intensify a gaze that would have been merely cool without it. Belle's voice died in her throat; her gaze flickered away before slowly peeking up at the woman again. Allen couldn't comfort her right in front of the General, but he did take a step closer and hoped their proximity would give her comfort. From the hesitant loosening of her hunched shoulders, it did.

"Good. You're here." General Nyne eyed his movement but said nothing. Instead, she walked towards the arena, hand held out for Lau Shimin to clamber on to. "Let's start. Lau Shimin will be your opponent today."

Belle's eyes went wide, all requests for permission for her friends' company dying in the face of a monkey hopping into the sand. Lavi grinned, nudging Belle forward in encouragement. "Look, see? It's just a monkey. It can't be that bad," he whispered.

This time it was Allen's turn to eye Lavi, barely managing to keep the skepticism from his face. Of course, Lavi hadn't been there on the day of the Invasion, so he wouldn't know…

Belle just glanced at Lavi with the palest, most wide-eyed look they'd seen out of her yet, before walking towards the waiting General. She wasn't tapping her foot, but Klaud Nyne had other ways of communicating her impatience with just the cock of her hip and the arms crossed over her chest. "Have you managed to Activate your Innocence yet?" Belle shook her head. General Nyne's eyes narrowed, but she didn't seem displeased. "Then leave it here, on the ground. You three." Allen and Lavi jumped at being addressed; Link just stiffened. "Are you planning to stay?" At their nods, she ordered, "Then stay quiet and don't interfere."

She turned back to Belle as Allen and his companions moved to the side, positioning themselves against the stone railing that surrounded the arena. Belle stood just within the sand-filled area, facing General Nyne while keeping a nervous eye on Lau Shimin, a few feet away from her. "You have two goals for today," General Nyne told her. "First, do not leave the sand. Second, do not get killed. Lau Shimin-" She turned towards the tiny creature squatting on the sand. "_Activate._"

"_JESUS FUCK-"_

_BOOM!_

Allen winced as sand exploded into the air from the force of Lau Shimin's punch. Belle's shriek rose above the noise, even as her small form broke through the cloud and scrambled to get away from the monkey now over ten feet tall. It was just her first day of training, but from the looks of it General Klaud Nyne did not believe in easy introductory lessons. After all, she had just told Belle the rules of today's session and didn't even give her a chance to react before setting the giant Lau Shimin loose on the field.

The stern woman stood stone-faced a little ways off from the other observers, her hard brown eyes trained on her new protégée. She didn't flinch as Lau Shimin thundered across the small training area, twisting around to chase Belle with his fists.

Allen couldn't help the concern bleeding into his expression as he watched Belle dodge again and again. Belle did not come from a circus; she did not have experience in working difficult jobs just for pay. She did not have a Parasitic Innocence strengthening her body since birth, and she did not have training that would work in its stead. In short, Belle's stamina was shit. It wasn't long until her curses was replaced by gasps, and her rolls and leaps replaced by a staggering run. He could see her pain in the way her shoulders heaved and her breath wheezed from her mouth. She had stopped screaming now, saving her breath for running and dodging in the tiny space she was confined to.

"_Don't leave the sand. And don't get killed."_

"Is this really… necessary?" Lavi asked weakly, his own eye tracking the dark-haired girl's movement across the floor. Weak because he knew it was, knew it from the depths of his bones and the memories of dodging bullets that were fatal with just a scratch. Allen sympathized with him. He too, knew it was necessary, but it looked… so brutal. So scary, for the one involved. And it was just the first day.

Granted, the test or exercise wasn't as harsh as some Cross had put him through.

But only just.

And it was just the first day.

General Nyne turned her steely eyes onto the Bookman in question. Her eyes narrowed, but she did not seem offended, only thoughtful, despite his breach of their previous agreement. "There's something I want to see."

Something…?

Allen turned back to the small arena. It was meant to take two people sparring hand-to-hand. With Lau Shimin in his Activated form, there was only a few feet left from him to the edge of the sand-filled floor for Belle to run around. The giant monkey barely had to expend energy to move his feet. There was no way for her to escape his reach inside the small space.

Already Belle was sobbing from the pain of stitched sides and legs that weren't used to running for extended lengths of time. He knew she'd been running errands these past few weeks at the Order, but… Allen braced his hands against the stone railing bordering the arena. A few weeks of running errands wouldn't help you outrun a monster.

A vague memory rose in his mind of a giant egg sinking into an abyss and a great light shining from something large and furred. A little something like relief made his shoulders relax slightly. At least General Nyne wasn't treating this as seriously as she looked, right?

The space of a moment. Dark eyes meeting gray. A silent, desperate plea for help.

And a body skidding straight into the path of a giant fist.

"_AGH-KK!"_

_CRACK!_

"A-Allen?!"

Allen followed Lavi's disbelieving stare to his hands on the railing. Lines snaked through the rock under his left hand, the knuckles pale on his right. Link's eyes were too perceptive, noting every crack and every vein. Allen knew Lvellie would hear about the incident before the sun even set. "Ah… forgive me. I didn't realize." He let go with some difficulty and dropped his hands to his sides instead. They clenched into fists, out of sight. It was all he could do not to punch Link and his assumptions until he never saw them again.

She'd asked for his help. Belle had spared a split second to turn pleading eyes at him, only to pay the price. She lay in the sand on her side, curled around the ribs that were surely cracked if not broken, the faintest sobs and wheezes and a slight tremble the only sign of her still living. It took every effort not to run to her, to block the way of the monkey already readying its next strike.

He had to trust in General Nyne. He _had _to. Even if he knew that the Innocence hadn't synchronized with Belle enough yet; even if he knew there hadn't been enough time for Memory to reinforce her body so that its bearer could crash through a brick wall and still come out alive.

Even if he knew Belle was a fragile, ordinary human girl yet.

He _had _to.

Lau Shimin lumbered towards the fallen girl, his steps slow and unhurried now that his prey was down. General Nyne did not look away from the black strands splayed across the sand, freed from the ponytail from which they usually hung. Somewhere in the arena, glass glinted- even Belle's glasses were gone. "Is that all?" she asked, her voice as steady as a pendulum. "Is this the best you promised me you'll do?" A harsh sob answered her question. She sneered. "Pathetic."

"_I never wanted this!_" Belle raised her tear-streaked face, her scream barely a whisper but filled with rage and bitterness as potent as poison. Fury and terror erased whatever held back the protests she'd stopped uttering the day she was forced to take up her Innocence. "_I never _chose_ this!_"

It was good that Allen had let go of the railing. If he still held it now, his left hand would have crushed the stone into dust. His bones ached from how tight his fingers curled on themselves.

He'd seen her smile. He'd seen her cry. He'd seen her hide the worry in her eyes as she waved the Exorcists goodbye.

But he'd never seen her eyes go hard with hate, like bits of obsidian shimmering with tears.

Hatred of the world. Hatred of her fate. Hatred of the circumstances that brought her to this place.

It felt _wrong._

The General's expression didn't change, her face a mask of disdain. "Then you might as well lie down and let Lau Shimin kill you."

Without needing a command, Lau Shimin lifted his fist for his final strike.

"_He told me the Fourteenth brought me here… like a kind of… a kind of _cheat code_…"_

And a part of him couldn't help but blame himself for it.

"Look."

A whisper.

A single word.

Startled, Allen broke out of his thoughts and turned his gaze to General Nyne. Her eyes stayed only on the girl in the sand, facing the monster who would soon be her death.

_Look. _

He and Lavi turned towards the arena, searching for what held the General's attention so strongly. Belle gazed up at Lau Shimin, her wide eyes filled with horror and despair. After all, what chance did she have against a monster almost three times her size? But even as the monkey's fist came down; even as Allen and Lavi clutched the railing to keep themselves from leaping to her rescue; even as it seemed like her fate was soon to be sealed with death…

Something changed.

Allen didn't have time to register it before a bright light and a defiant scream ripped through the room. All three Exorcists and the rest of the spectators present raised their hands to protect their faces, blinking away spots and tears from the sudden flash. A split second after came a strong wind, blasting hair and clothes back and adding sand to the light bringing tears to their eyes.

It didn't take long for the wind to settle. Allen rubbed his eyes, forcing them open even if he had to squint at the blurry room just to find Belle.

Belle, who stared in shock at her outstretched hands, and the book that hovered open before them, glowing faintly with green light.

And at the giant fist that rested on the sand just a few inches from her side.

Not even the remains of a breeze could shatter the stillness that filled the awestruck room. General Nyne broke it first, of course; approaching her new student with quick, efficient strides. Her stony expression melted away, gentling her features into something surprisingly kind and motherly. There was relief there too; and not a small amount of pride in the child that defied the animal she always kept at her side – the one she knew better than anyone else.

Lau Shimin was no meek creature to behold.

Belle watched her near, eyes narrowing warily even as her sides heaved in little breaths filled with pain. General Nyne did not look away, locking gazes with her as she spoke. "_That_ is what you need. _Not _denial. _Not _meek obedience. But defiance. And a will to survive." She stopped, feet away from the girl and yet still tall enough to force her to crane her neck to meet her eyes. "Not all of us chose the path we were given. But all of us still have our _lives_. So long as you can defy those that wish to crush you; so long as you can live to see the sun rise-" A cool hand reached past the Innocence cradled in lowered arms and clasped Belle's trembling shoulder.

Klaud Nyne smiled.

"-then there is hope for a new day." She straightened, nodding at Lau Shimin's fist. At her signal, the monkey retracted it, and began to shrink to his normal size. "I needed to see the moment you stopped accepting your fate and looked with defiance at your enemy." Her smile turned amused as she nodded towards the glowing pages floating mere inches from Belle's absently cupped hands. "You Activating your Innocence for the first time was just a happy surprise."

"…Oh." Belle looked down at the Innocence that had come at her command. The light faded at last, leaving the book to fall and shut into her open hands. "I see." Her voice was controlled, carefully tight and steady.

General Nyne's smile turned a bit bitter. She rested her hands on her waist, a much smaller Lau Shimin scurrying up her leg and coming to a rest at her shoulder. "You're a warrior now. It's something you can't back down from." She paused, full lips pursing. "It will take some time getting used to." She turned away, shooting a look heavy with meaning at the two boys waiting impatiently beyond the railing. "So for now, rest. I'll send for you when it's time to train again."

At that, Lavi and Allen scrambled over the fence, sending more sand into the air as they landed and ran towards their friend. As they passed, General Nyne grabbed Allen by the shoulder, halting him for a moment. "Take care of her," she said quietly. "We don't have the time or resources necessary to ease her into this life. She'll need you." With those parting words, her olive skinned hand fell away, and she continued towards the door leading out of the room.

Allen hesitated a moment more, watching the General leave, before he shook his head and turned back to Belle. Lavi was already there, chattering away in his own version of being helpful.

"Belle, you okay? Stupid question- come on, let's get you to the hospital wing and get those ribs checked; I'm pretty sure I heard something important crack from all the way over there. Oh, and congrats on Activating your Innocence!" Lavi's joking grin shrank, faced with the silence that would not answer. "Belle…?"

"Belle?" Allen skidded to a stop, his heart thudding into overdrive when his friend did not look up to greet him.

A small sniffle, and a hand angrily wiping away new tears. "Sorry." Her long, dark hair shielded her face from sight as she bowed over the book in her lap. "I need… a moment."

Allen's face fell. He placed a hand on her shoulder, much like how General Nyne did a few minutes ago. "Take as long as you need." He looked up and smiled at a few curious personnel that had gathered to watch the show. All who caught his eye paled and quickly found some other place to be. Surprisingly enough, there were less people around than he remembered. Then he saw Link leaning against the wall beside the door and released one gust of breath in… not relief, but understanding. And maybe the remnants of frustration. Link seemed like a good enough person once you got past his stiff behavior, but Allen would never be able to resolve his hatred for the man and organization behind the Inspector.

"…Thank you." Finally, Belle looked up and tried to smile. Allen's hand on her shoulder twitched; almost tightening but not quite. It was not a pretty sight. Tear streaks mixed with the blood from the sand burn on her cheek. There was none of the brightness he'd come to look for in her eyes, just the dark, hard obsidian brittle with cracks. Resignation, heavier than despair. But defiance, as well- the defiance General Nyne had sought, and had cracked her open just to find.

"Come on." Lavi's voice was softer now. Understanding. "Let's get you fixed."

Gently, the two boys helped her up, bracing her between themselves and ignoring the stubborn, trembling grip she had on her Innocence. Link held the door open for them and glared away anyone who stopped and tried to stare. (He thought he hid it well, but Allen caught him when he turned his face to glare at a particularly ambitious Finder. It was almost amusing, if it weren't for the situation at hand.) It was on their way to the medical bay that Allen heard it – a small whisper, so low it barely rose above the scuff of boots on the carpet.

"_I'm not sure I can be."_

* * *

><p><em>AN: If there's anything I can break character for it's the fact that **D . GRAY – MAN IS COMING BACK IN JULY 17  
><strong>AFTER TWO FREAKING YEARS WE ARE ALIVE FOLKS, WE ARE ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEEEEE_


	17. Fourteenth Memory

"_You are the Fourteenth."_

Allen leaned against the stone wall of the Order's new base, trying to draw calm from its coolness. Stone was still. Stone did not feel. Coolness did not riot in a storm of doubt and fear.

It had taken ages to find a way around Lvellie's dog. Allen needed some time to himself, desperately. It had taken lying awake til the wee hours of morning to sneak away from Inspector Link. He may have lain in front of the door, but he had obviously forgotten about the windows. And Allen had picked locks higher than a third floor window before, with no Innocence helpful in climbing to boot.

First, the Musician. Now, the Fourteenth. Allen's fingers tightened on where they rested against his biceps, his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes gazed, unfocused, out the window he stood beside. He stood at an angle that let him see outside without the window reflecting his face, and therefore the shadow constantly haunting his reflection.

So many secrets. So many lies, hidden layer after layer. Like an onion being peeled from the inside, Cross had ripped away everything he knew about himself until there was nothing left but fragile skin.

Who was he? What _was _he? Was he still the boy called "Allen"? Or was that just a lie that he'd always believed in, ever since a clown gave him the name of a dog?

_Mana…_

And now the only man who knew the answers to his questions was dead. The man he used to trust the most, as much as he trusted anyone, was dead.

Cross Marian was gone. Just like the other man who had tried to raise the boy called "Allen Walker".

"_Find your Singer. Take care of her. Her songs will help you when the time comes."_

And what had he meant by that? Allen's thoughts turned to Belle, the only possible candidate for that strange statement. Hadn't he heard her sing, that day in front of the Fourteenth's piano?

What role did she have to play in this elaborate puppet show? She acted so innocent about violence, so naïve about tragedy. She wept for the deaths of people she never knew, and she followed him, Lavi, and Lenalee around with the shining eyes of a faithful puppy.

But if there's one thing Allen learned in his life, it was to never trust anyone by appearance alone.

What was the Singer? What did Cross mean by her songs? What on earth could Belle sing in order to make this all better?

Wishful thinking. Allen shook his head and turned back to the world outside. The leaves were thinning in the forest that surrounded the small palace that was the Order's new base. Soon it would be snowing. For now, their days were filled with rain and their nights with the moon peeking through the clouds darkening the sky.

It was only fortunate that no one else seemed to make the connection between Belle and the Singer Cross mentioned. They suspected, certainly, but it was only the kind of suspicion reserved for a girl who appeared out of nowhere, and not one that could be the accomplice of the Fourteenth. Lavi might have caught on, and was simply waiting for Belle to show signs of being the Singer. Allen couldn't really tell. Lavi, he could read, but whenever he retreated into his Bookman persona, Allen lost him.

The Fourteenth.

_He was the Fourteenth._

Why, Allen thought bitterly, did it feel like the world was always out to get him?

_Ffffst._

Something rustled over the stone floor. Allen whirled, squinting through the dark with eyes adjusted for moonlight and not the shadows of the night. He readied his smile, bright as what he was known for but muddied with exhaustion, in order to lower the guard of whoever was coming. It would make them less suspicious about what he was doing up and about so late.

Allen had had a lot of practice changing his smile.

A small shadow detached itself from the darkness, fading as it approached into a tiny lump covered in a large, white blanket. "…Allen?" the girl whispered, slipping a hand under her glasses to rub her eyes.

Allen relaxed a little, letting out a soft sigh. Speak of the devil, and he shall come. "Belle," he greeted her, keeping his smile small and tired. "What are you doing up so late?"

"I should ask you the same." She yawned, covering her mouth with the hand holding up the blanket. Another step, and she was in the moonlight, the rays making her white blanket and nightgown glow. Allen could appreciate the irony. His eyes traced her black hair and dark skin, lit up by the glow of white around her, while he stayed in the shadows, with his pale hair and much paler skin.

"Don't worry. I don't think I'm at the point of considering murdering everyone in their sleep yet." He kept his voice dry and light, but her eyes widened anyway.

"What?" She peered at him, trying to see his expression. "That was… weirdly morbid of you." When he said nothing, she frowned, concern overtaking her sleepy expression. "Allen…? Allen, what's wrong?" she asked, stepping forward.

"_Stop_."

She froze, hand outstretched. A figure in white reaching for the figure in the dark. Allen smiled, but it was too bitter to keep up. He let it fall. "Sorry, I… I'm not good company tonight."

His voice trembled with the effort to keep it under control. Allen was good. He tried hard, and he'd had long practice in hiding what he felt. But he was not perfect. Even his mask had to break sometime. Belle just had the worst timing he had the luck to know.

Her face fell, as did her hand, until it was clasped to her chest with the other, holding the blanket there. Allen wondered what she saw, from there in the light. Did she see a shadow in the darkness? Did she see a monster, hiding, just waiting for the right moment to strike?

Was she afraid?

Belle turned her gaze to the moonlight, her teeth gnawing at her lip. Her expression morphed from sadness, to conflict, then… determination. She frowned, turned back to him with that stiff set of her chin when she was doing her utmost not to explode into talking, and reached into the darkness.

"Get out of there," she said crossly. "Just because you're bad company tonight doesn't mean you should lurk in the dark like some kind of half-assed vampire." She didn't hesitate; she just reached out for his hand and pulled him into the moonlight.

"No, I…" He tried to resist her, he really did. But her grip on him never changed in its insistence, and she didn't let go until she'd drawn him with her into the light. Too tired to struggle, he went. He refused to admit that it felt good to have someone reach for him and hold on, instead of dancing around him like he was made of porcelain or a madman waiting to shatter.

"Better." She smiled, bright in the moonlight and the happiness of bringing him there with her. Then her expression softened, until she was gazing at him with gentle care and concern. "Now tell me: what's wrong, Allen?" She raised her free hand and brushed his cheek with the pads of her fingers. Allen was surprised to realize that they were wet. Had he been crying all this time without knowing?

"I am the Fourteenth."

It was the first time he'd said it aloud. The words seemed to kill the very air around them, forcing it to grow heavy with anticipation and dread. He could almost _feel _the shadow he refused to turn and see on the window, rippling and growing with the words. Admitting it felt like a release and a burden at the same time – no more hurting, no more hiding. But the truth was a heavy weight to bear.

He refused to look at Belle and see the horror there. She knew about the Fourteenth – how could she not, when Komui and the others had grilled her on everything she knew about the Ark? He knew that man had been the one to bring her here, for no reason any of them could discern. Would she hate him now? Would she scorn him, just like everyone else who knew?

"Oh, _Allen._" Cool hands snaked past his neck and threaded into his hair. Shock made him stiffen; but she had already pulled him towards her and merely stepped forward to erase the remaining space between them. She pressed his face to her shoulder, even as she rested her cheek against his. She embraced him, hard and tight and with no hesitation whatsoever. He heard the sorrow in her voice, but felt none of her fear. Why didn't she fear him?

He tried again. "I'm a monster," he gasped, through the block in his throat and the blur in his eyes. He hadn't meant to say that, but it came out all the same. Belle's embrace tightened.

"No, you're not." Fierce determination steeled her voice. "You're _not _a monster, Allen. The _Fourteenth _is." She started to pull away. Allen's hands spasmed, like a child that didn't want to let go. Ashamed, he stepped back, but she didn't let him either. "Hey. Look at me." Hands cupped his cheeks until he was forced to face her. She glared at him, eyes ablaze with righteous fury. "_Allen_."

"Cross said-"

"_Damn Cross to hell!_"

Allen stared at her, mouth agape in the face of her anger. She wiped her tears away impatiently, before returning her hand to his face. "Look, Allen." She tried again, voice wobbly but belief never shaking. "_You _are not the Fourteenth. You got that?" He opened his mouth to protest, but she didn't even let him start. "_You_ are Allen Walker. The Fourteenth is a _parasite_. He. Is not. _You._ Sure, the Fourteenth may or may not take you over, but even then, it'll be the Fourteenth doing shit with your body, _not you._ So stop moping, okay?"

"Is it really so simple?" Allen smiled weakly. What did she know? She had no idea what was going on in here. Just weeks ago she had screamed and cried from an Akuma attack. What did she know of the demon that hid under his skin?

"Maybe it is." Her eyes traced lines across his face, jumping from feature to feature as if ingraining the sight into her brain. In those dark eyes lit by the light of the moon, emotion pooled, that everlasting conflict, anger, guilt…

The same emotion he saw that day in the Fourteenth's room.

Such concern. Such sadness. Why? Why did she care? What did he ever do to deserve that depth of feeling from a girl he barely knew?

"What do you know?" he whispered.

Her eyes widened. She took a step back, but this time he was the one who would not let go. He reached up and took her hands until it was him holding on to her. "I don't-" she tried, her body stiffening in panic.

"Please."

Not even the whisper of a wind in the corridor.

Belle stared at him, her face pale, with eyes that flickered all over his face as she tried to think of a way, any way out of this. Allen didn't let go. He didn't flinch; he stared right back, showing her more than anything he'd ever dared to show anyone. Doubt. Fear. Helpless anger. Who was this nameless man to meddle in his own fate? Who was he, this boy named Allen Walker? Who was he, that no matter what he did or how kind he tried to be, the world still decided to screw him over in the end?

Who was she, who seemed to know things without him having to ever tell her?

Belle opened her lips, then closed them. She bit her lip, then turned to the window, and the reflections resting against the glass. Allen followed her gaze. The sky was clear tonight, letting the moon shine down on the forest surrounding the Order base. Not even the shadows of the trees stirred; the air was dead, without any wind to dance through the leaves.

On the glass rose his own shadow of a different kind, its manic grin never changing in its glee.

His hand tightened without his consent on Belle's. His anger flared again. He wanted to turn around and run. He wanted to hit the window with Crown Clown, and blast it to smithereens, even if he knew the shadow would be back the moment he stepped in front of a mirror again.

"I can see him."

He turned his head towards the girl at his side, his eyes widening in shock. Belle hadn't shown a hint of seeing the Fourteenth's shadow standing behind his reflection ever since that day with the piano in the Ark. He'd decided in the end that it had been his imagination, only to be proven wrong the moment she confessed it to him.

"I don't know why." She moved to face him, her own eyes wide in her pale face. Her hand was holding on as tightly as his, the skin between them clammy with sweat and fear. "I… I _know _things, Allen. I know many, dangerous things, and I don't even know what to do with them. But one thing I do know is that _I'm not supposed to be able to see him._" She hesitated again, words dying on her lips. Allen finished her sentence for her.

"Only I can."

She bit her lip, then looked away, turning to the window as if it could show her some sign or send help. The shadow only grinned, arcing over them both. She turned back to him. "…Yes."

"What do you know?" he asked again. "_How _do you know?" Desperation filled him and made his hands tremble.

She hesitated. She bit her lip, struggling between the choice to tell or not to tell. At last, her shoulders slumped, then rose as she took a deep breath and tried to speak. Beside them, the shadow's shoulders shook in silent laughter; both ignored him for the sake of their sanity. "I don't… I can't. Even if I could tell you… I wouldn't know _what _to tell you. There's just too many facts, too many details." She laughed, depreciating.

"Cross told me… that _he _is the reason I'm here. He told me the Fourteenth brought me here… like a kind of… a kind of _cheat code._" He could see the incredulity on her face, and the same helpless anger he was becoming so familiar with these past few days. "What kind of cheat code doesn't even know what to do?"

"A… cheat code?" he repeated, even as his mind whirled to understand. A cheat code… for what? A test? A game?

She froze. "I… I don't. I _can't_. I'm so sorry Allen, but I can't." She pleaded at him with her eyes, tears trailing down her cheeks. "It's too dangerous. If I told you, it would ruin… it would ruin _everything!_"

Everything.

He dropped her hands. So. She was one of them, then. Another one of those who manipulated him for their plans.

He was so _tired_.

_I keep walking, and walking… but Mana, who chooses where I go?_

"I want to help you," she said, as sincere as he ever heard from her. "But… but I can't do that if I tell everyone. _Everything_." She laughed, something shaky and false. "You have no idea… _no idea_. I want to tell someone, anyone, and just let them handle this, because I'm not made for this, I'm _not…_"

"So why don't you?" Allen wasn't begging, but he couldn't handle any of this anymore either. Enough with the secrets. Enough with the manipulating!

"_Because the things I know won't be valid anymore the moment I tell someone_." She pulled back a hand to scrub it over her face. She seemed to age there, small and scared and knowing, in the moonlight. "I don't know what's worse, Allen. Should I tell and get everyone killed when they try to do something about it? Or should I hide it and get people killed when I fail in trying to change what's going to happen?"

Her face was as terrified as the night he found her crying over the dead. And just like that, it clicked. He drew back, looking at her with new eyes and a new kind of horror. "You knew about the Akuma Invasion."

She flinched, taking her hand back and clutching at the blanket slipping from her shoulders. Allen felt his heart go cold. "You knew." Remembered agony seared his bones, even as anger burned to replace it. "You knew, and you didn't do _anything_?"

"…I forgot," she whispered, in a voice so low and hoarse he had to strain to hear it. "I knew about it, but I forgot, because I was too stupid and worried about myself, and now all of those people died because it was _my fault._" Tears sprung to her eyes as she gazed into the distance, remembering the mutilated corpses lined in rows along the hallway. "I tried to stop it, I did, I swear, but it was too little, too late…!"

Memories of that day twisted through his mind like a storm. He remembered the pain in every bone of his body as he forced Crown Clown to move him like a puppet, if only to save those who couldn't defend themselves with his dying breath. General Teidoll and his master had saved the people in the labs, only for the Level Four to escape and rampage through the rest of the Castle. Hevlaska had nearly perished, shielding the Innocence with her own body. If Lenalee's Innocence hadn't evolved at the moment they needed it most, he, Lavi, and Kanda would be dead, and the last of humanity's hope buried in the rubble of the Order base.

Logic told him that there was little she could do. He had been there with her from the start, after all. He'd seen the way she watched the room from the corner of her eyes, the way she shrunk into herself and jumped to keep herself useful, and her companions happy. It had been but three days since she had been thrown into a place unfamiliar to her, and she had been struggling just to keep her head above the water. But memories of the dead pooling blood on the floor filled his vision, until it was all he could do not to lash out at her.

He took a deep breath and fought to keep himself calm. There was a peace in the disparity of pretending to feel an emotion he didn't feel at all, and he sought that, with a shaky sort of success. "What else do you know?" An idea flickered through his mind. He stepped forward, demanding, making her retreat further away from him. The blanket around her slipped further in her fear, the tail end disappearing into shadow. "What about the Fourteenth? What do you know, Belle?"

"I-I…" She stepped back, the light shifting from her face into shadow.

"Tell me!"

"Excuse me." They jumped, Belle dropping the blanket in shock, while Allen whirled around to find-

"Link." He couldn't help the bitter, cold hint in his voice as he gazed at the blonde man walking towards them. He was dressed in a pair of trousers and a shirt, somehow managing to look impeccably neat even though Allen knew he had probably thrown the clothes on as soon as he noticed Allen was gone.

"Mister Walker." Stiff. Formal. Like Allen wasn't a person but merely the human he was guarding. Allen knew this song and dance alright. He'd seen it in noblemen who didn't even look as beggar children were crushed under their carriage wheels. _Allen _was beneath his notice. Link was here for _the Fourteenth. _"You should not be wandering alone at night." Brown eyes wandered to the girl behind Allen, wide eyed and pale in nothing but a white nightgown and a blanket at her feet, then back to him. "It might give other people… concern."

"He's not alone." Belle straightened, her hands quivering but her gaze never wavering from Link's. The inspector's lips thinned, and yet somehow managed to express his disapproval clearly.

"Your company would merely lead to a different kind of concern, Miss Cruz." He looked her in the eye, then pointedly lowered his gaze. Belle flushed, and snatched up the blanket.

Allen took a deep breath, and pulled himself back together. "It's fine, Belle." _Smile, Allen._ "Link is right. You should go back to bed."

He expected her to protest, but she didn't. He took in her conflicted eyes – conflicted, always conflicted, why don't you do _anything? _– then turned away, refusing to look at her any longer.

"_I can't. I'm so sorry Allen, but I can't."_

"_I want to help you."_

He wished he could believe her.

"Mister Walker-" Link began. He cut him off.

"Not now, Link." He started walking. "Please."

But his heart ached too much to try.


End file.
